shining like stars and lifting my eyes up to the hills

3:30am....at this hour it is pitch black outside. At this hour Bolivians are still stumbling home from the bars and clubs, after a night of too much indulgence. At this hour most of the city is still asleep. Yet this is the hour I awoke this morning to set off on a mini-adventure. A few of the teachers and I set off with our director for a 2 hour drive outside of the city, hoping to catch the sunrise from the top of a mountain. We had felt the call to escape the confines of the city and surround ourselves with beauty and God.

As we drove along in the pitch black, we were all surprisingly awake. We chatted and got to know our new New Zealand friend, who had just arrived a few days before. At one point, once we were out of view of the city lights we stopped the truck, got out, and looked up. Words cannot describe the blanket of stars that met our eyes. Even in all my trips to the Dominican Republic and time spent laying on the basketball court starting at the stars, I have never seen a sky like this. Perhaps being at 14,000 feet is the difference. I have never in my life seen so many stars, the entire sky was shining and twinkling. It was magical and really brought the verse "shine like the stars in the heavens" from Phillipians to life.

We continued the drive until we arrived at the trailhead. The plan was to just do the upwards climb of the old pre-Colombian Incan trail, stop at the top, soak in the beauty, then head back down and back to the city. But first, we had breakfast at the trailhead. It was icy cold, my hands and toes were quickly numb. Yet the breakfast of scrambled egg and bacon burritos and banana muffins was devine. Honestly, now that I know all the fun equipment that goes with camping, I might be tempted to try it more often.

After our riquisimo breakfast, we began the hour hike up to the top. Now as you know, I am not a hiker, and I am always nervous about hiking up and down places. I like nice, flat walks. However, this one really was not that bad. I took it at my own pace, stopped when I needed a breath (we were climbing up from 14,000ft!), and made it to the top only slightly tired. As I walked, I couldn't help but contemplate how much hiking up mountains is like the Christian life. It's hard, but you know the end is going to be worth it. And to further encourage this metaphor, when you turn the final corner, there sitting perched at the top is a cross, waiting to welcome you to your destination. Really, what more can you ask for?

We sat on the top for a while, soaking in God's incredible creation. Clouds rolling in over the valley below us, covered the jungle we knew was there, but couldn't see. A snow covered mountain was directly to our right, looking close enough that we should be able to reach out and touch the snow. Sitting there above the clouds, someone got out their Bible. We all took turns passing it around, reading different passages that we had been thinking about. This was perhaps my favorite moment. Sitting on top of God's creation, reading His word with fellow kingdom workers.

The hike down, though scary at a few points, was also not too bad and the drive home was amazing. I mean, turning a corner and being face to face with a 24,000 foot snow capped mountain will take your breath away. I spent the ride just thinking how incredible my life was. Our God truly is faithful, and if you seek Him, you will find Him.

lovely day

i've always been an optimist. i have even earned the rather annoying nickname "buddy the elf" around certain friends here in bolivia. lately, i have been challenged to look for joy every day and not focus on the sorrows. should be easy for an optimist. however, i have discovered the difference between being an optimist and finding joy. true, an optimisit looks at situations in a positive light, but they are also always hopeful for the best even to the point of losing touch with reality. they can easily invent a brighter future and rationilize every situation to death. but finding joy means staying grounded in reality. seeing the world around you as it is and then finding the real joy that is hidden in every day. this is harder to do, but the results are much more rewarding.

yesterday was full of joy. each day i spend with my kids i love them more and more. it's wonderful to know that there is no limit to the love our hearts can hold. yesterday we had a celebration to celebrate our progress as readers and writers in the first month of school. the kids were so excited. we read together and shared the published stories we had written. and of course, ate some delicious snacks. while they were eating, one of my sweet girls looked up at me and said, "thank you miss shivers. you deserve your own celebration. you work so hard, you baked us yummy chocolate muffins and bought cookies with your own money. i love you so much." the class then preceeded to have"secret" class meetings to plan a celebration for me. the celebration included the kids hiding behind their chairs at recess and jumping out and yelling "surprise!" when i walked in the room and presenting me with the sweetest thank you card ever. we then preceeded to go outside and enjoy yet another beautiful recess together. we played freeze tag and my girls invented a new game where they all grabbed on to my arms, 2 or 3 on each side, and together we spun around as fast we could. do you remember finding joy in in just spinning around and around when you were little? let me tell you, that joy is still there even when you are 24! the evening was also lovely. we went out of the city a ways and enjoyed a bonfire in honor of a friend's birthday. we ate a delicious dinner and roasted marshmallows for s'mores. we then just sat around the fire, talking and sharing. there were times of silence as well, but not the awkward silence that is often present in groups of people, but a peaceful, serene silence as we enjoyed the beautiful fire in front of us and the amazing blanket of stars above us. mmm, it was delightful.

but henri nouwen is right. choosing joy is a discipline. i have been struggling with some things over the last couple of weeks and it would be very easy to just shut down and focus on those troubles. but i have been fighing to focus on the joy. not ignore the problems, but accept them, pray for them and then move on to the joy. and the result is i am finding more and more joy every day. and a joy that is very real, not the hopeful dream of an alternate reality.

why i love teaching

i don't think it's a secret. i love my job. i can't imagine doing anything else in the world. and having just finished two weeks of a new school year, nothing has changed. i absolutely love teaching. every day my classroom is filled with eager seven and eight year olds ready for a new day of learning. but it's more than just learning reading, writing, and arithmetic. in second grade we don't just read books, books become our friends. we enter into the magical world of the wild things, and take a stroll through the park with mr. and mrs. mallard. we wander through wonka's factory, and hide in the BFG's pocket with sophie. we fall in love with books. and we don't just write, but we become authors. ezra jack keats uses sound words? well so can we! angela johnson writes small moments and uses ellipses and quotation marks? well, so can we! and math is something god created that we can discover! patterns keep showing up everywhere! today we discovered math right on our feet, by taking off our shoes to sort and make a huge floor graph! but as much as i love guiding these children through these many experiences and discoveries, there is more to why i love teaching. hearing a child this morning pray, "dear god, we love you so much. thank you for creating this beautiful world for us. please forgive us all our sins and the bad things we do. please take care of the poor people. in your son jesus' name, amen." almost brings tears to my eyes. having a child raise her hand after every book i read to thank me for reading that book to them, brings a smile to my face. and there is nothing like the millions of hugs i receive everyday, not just from this year's class, but from my beautiful students from the past two years, who still shout "miss shivers!" and reach out for a hug or at least a second of hand holding anytime they see me. today i was sitting at recess, just soaking up my kids and enjoying every minute of them. i had one little girl curled up in my lap, two others doing my hair (i was "just beautiful"...with all my hair piled on top of my head!), and another little girl making stone soup and feeding me. all the while my boys are shouting for me to come play four square with them. when i finally was able to drag the girls with me to the four square court i was met with cheers of "yes, miss shivers is playing! miss shivers is playing!" and we proceeded to play and laugh for the last few moments of recess. and there is nothing like the things kids to say that make you laugh. this afternoon we were in centers and i was playing a game with one of my girls when i overheard this conversation between two of my boys who were also playing a math game:
christopher: "oh for pete's sake, why do you always win?!"
joaquin: "because i am intelligent"
christopher: "oh"
a few minutes later
christopher: "oh for pete's sake, why do you always win?!"
joaquin: "i said because i am intelligent"
christopher: "oh"
this continued for about 10 more minutes...i was doing all i could to not laugh out loud.

and of course, my day ends with even more hugs. and although the stack of papers to grade is quite large and this weekend will be full of tedious tasks such as cutting base ten models from plastic grids and taping out a huge 100 chart on a table cloth and other crafty, teachery things, it is all worth it, for those 24 little eyes that look up at me every school day full of excitement and love and anticipation for the things i will introduce them to throughout the year. that is why i love teaching :)

in the secret

This morning as I rolled over and slowly opened my eyes, savoring those last few seconds of a dream now long forgotten, there was something missing. The usual hustle and bustle of the busy business district where I live was gone, and in its place there was a peace and stillness in the air. No cars were driving by, no car alarms were going off, no middle aged men were playing soccer on the cancha below my window, everything was quiet. Today was voting day. In Bolivia, voting always takes place on a Sunday and is accompanied by some rather odd rules. Forty-eight hours before voting and for 12 hours after, the purchase and consumption of alcohol is prohibited (although how they enforce that is beyond me). The grocery stores block off the alcohol aisles with yellow tape or a black curtain, in a fashion similar to holy week. There are also no unauthorized motorized vehicles allowed on the streets, meaning no private or public transportation. So instead of the usual grating noise of car alarm after car alarm going off, today has been filled with the voices of children riding their bikes in the usually busy, but now empty streets. And while today is the day that could determine the future of the tumultuous country that is my home for 10 months of the year, I have claimed today for myself. I spent the morning in prayer, asking the Lord to use the quietness of this day to minister to a lonely heart. And through the tasks of the day he has answered. In the feeling of peace I have now that my living space is clean and organized. In the brief conversation with a friend that is far away. Even in the movie I watched that epitomized loneliness, I was able to see what can happen to people who don't have the Lord during lonely times and take comfort in the knowledge that I have a Father and Savior in heaven who is with me always. Our God is faithful and answers those cries from the depths of our souls. My prayer for you is that you too might be able to experience a day of quiet, a day to meet the Lord in the secret, a day where you are able to hear the soft whisper of his voice speaking peace and love to your heart.

mercy

i finally got to watch the so you think you can dance season finale. it was amazing! even though i was slightly disappointed in the results, they were all incredible dancers. here are my two favorite dancers (and who i think should have won) doing my favorite dance:

dancing through life

"The human person not only wants to live, but wants to know why to live....A life that is not reflected upon eventually loses its meaning and becomes boring....When a child is born, friends get married, a parent dies, people revolt, a nation starves, it's not enough just to know about these things and to celebrate, grieve, or respond the best we can. We have to keep asking ourselves: 'What does it all mean? What is God trying to tell us? How are we called to live in the midst of all this?' Without such questions our lives become numb and flat.
But are there any answers? There are, but we will never find them unless we are willing to live the questions first, and trust that, as Rilke say, we will, without ever knowing it, grow into the answer."
~Henri Nouwen

looking for the kingdom coming down

"When it's dark enough, you can see the stars." ~Persian Proverb

"God is within her, she will not fall. God will help her at break of day." Psalm 46:5

"Are we able and willing to unhook ourselves from the restraining emotional bonds that prevent us from following our deepest vocation?" ~Henri Nouwen

"We proclaim him, admonishing and teaching everyone with all wisdom, so that we may present everyone perfect in Christ. To this end I labor, struggling with all his energy, which so powerfully works in me." Colossians 1:28-29

***
I'm back in Bolivia after rather strange summer vacation. In many ways it's wonderful to be back. I'm excited for a new year of teaching. Setting up and decorating my classroom and planning lessons has reminded me how much I love my job. It is also encouraging to be surrounded by people who have stepped out on faith to follow the command to go and make disciples in every nation. To begin staff meetings every morning with a time of devotion and to be encouraged daily by the Word is refreshing.

However, being here without my dear friend who has been such an integral part of my life the last two years is a million times harder and lonelier than I ever imagined.

But God does work in mysterious ways. Yesterday I received an encouraging message on facebook. It was from a girl I went to high school with but was never very close to. I hadn't talked to anyone from high school in 6 years (since graduation). Yet for some reason, yesterday she decided to send me a message to tell me she was praying for me. I think we both kind of knew in high school that the other was a Christian, but those were lonely years and neither of us made a big deal about our faith. She explained in her message the loneliness of high school and the change she experienced in college, once again growing strong in her faith. It was like looking in a mirror, to speak metaphorically. I think we both regret having let those years slip by. However, God used this message from someone I barely know to encourage me in a time of deep loneliness and to remind me that we should never just let the days slip by, but claim each day for Him.