decisions. it is funny how easily they come for some and yet for others, facing a decision is much akin to facing some sort of medieval torture device. some can so easily say that it's all in the Lord's hands and there is no need to worry because as long as you are seeking him you can't make a wrong decision. yet they don't understand that you also believe this and that is what is so frustrating. you can believe with your whole heart that God is in control and that really what you decide doesn't matter, but yet somehow the act of making the decision is still so difficult. it's not that your faith isn't strong enough. it's not even that you think you might mess up. it's just the actual act of having to decide. it's hard.
when i face a major life decision i often begin by getting more and more confused, with only small moments of clarity passing fleetingly by. but i am realizing more and more that that confusion is often really caused by fear. fear of the unknown. fear of failure. fear of rejection. the trick now is to identify those fears as fears and to weigh them accordingly. and it's funny how as i start to identify fears, i am also uncovering issues of pride and selfishness. and i am beginning to wonder if maybe that is why decision making is such a hard process for some. because the lord uses that process to sanctify and purify their hearts. and that is never easy.
i am also realizing that when making a decision you can't always base it on just what you want to do. i am getting closer to making my decision for next year and can honestly say the decision i will probably make is the exact opposite of the one i want to make. yet the one i want seems wrong and the one i don't want seems to be right. but looking at the example of Abraham, i am pretty sure he didn't want to do any of the things God kept calling him to do. yet he did them and was blessed. and again, it all comes back to faith.
