as i lay in bed last night, so cold my insides were shaking and my teeth were chattering, i started to realize there are a few little things that i am excited for when i move back to the states.
*central heat! no longer will i have to wear my winter coat until at least noon everyday or shiver under 30lbs of blankets at night!
*a dryer....my pants might actually fit and my socks won't feel like cardboard!
*flushing toilet paper
*chic-fil-a....sad, but really the only food that i miss :)
*good milkshakes
*efficiency
*seeing my friends and family more often :)
and i know there will be so many more! the trick is focusing on these positives, rather than the many negatives....
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
a goodbye with no future
tomorrow begins the long journey of goodbye. it is the first of the lasts. tomorrow is my last dance class with some of the most beautiful girls on the planet. as one of my students mused today, "how quickly the time passes."
and the goodbyes are made harder by having nothing yet to look forward to. when people ask the dreaded question, "so what are you going to do now?" i have to answer that i have no idea. talk about a lesson in humility. saying goodbye is hard. saying goodbye when there is not even a glimpse of the future is excruciating. others wonder why you are leaving if there is nothing you are going to. i begin to wonder as well. but then i think of abraham, called to leave his home to go this unknown promise land. he did not have a vision for his future. he just left, and God was faithful and guided him.
so i begin the leaving, and i know God will do the guiding.
"The Lord said to Abram, 'Leave your country, your people and your father's household and go to the land I WILL show you." Genesis 12:1 (emphasis added)
and the goodbyes are made harder by having nothing yet to look forward to. when people ask the dreaded question, "so what are you going to do now?" i have to answer that i have no idea. talk about a lesson in humility. saying goodbye is hard. saying goodbye when there is not even a glimpse of the future is excruciating. others wonder why you are leaving if there is nothing you are going to. i begin to wonder as well. but then i think of abraham, called to leave his home to go this unknown promise land. he did not have a vision for his future. he just left, and God was faithful and guided him.
so i begin the leaving, and i know God will do the guiding.
"The Lord said to Abram, 'Leave your country, your people and your father's household and go to the land I WILL show you." Genesis 12:1 (emphasis added)
Saturday, May 8, 2010
dream a little dream
as the day i leave bolivia continues to draw nearer and nearer, and as i continue to have no idea where i will be or what i will be doing come next august, i have decided to focus on dreaming for the more distant future. last weekend, my roommate and i spent a morning planning and dreaming over a lovely pancake breakfast. here is our dream:
the year i turn 30 we will embark on a 5 continent adventure. we will spend 11 months in 11 different orphanages on 4 different continents. in the middle, we will take a month off to rest, visit dear friends in new zealand, and to explore that amazing place. our rough itinerary would be to begin in romania, then to russia, turkey, india, thailand, indonesia, new zealand, uganda, south africa, bolivia, ecuador, and ending in haiti.
now, obviously, many things could come up in the next four years that could change these plans. but i am okay with that, because i know ultimately god is in charge of my steps and his plans are higher than mine. however, having this little dream to hold on to somehow makes the fact i have no immediate plans a little easier. i still have something to look forward to. honestly, i would drop everything and begin this adventure this summer, yet little things like money and actual plans stand in the way of that. but god calls us to dream big, and he will answer with even bigger realities.
so this is my dream. and i can't wait to see my reality!
the year i turn 30 we will embark on a 5 continent adventure. we will spend 11 months in 11 different orphanages on 4 different continents. in the middle, we will take a month off to rest, visit dear friends in new zealand, and to explore that amazing place. our rough itinerary would be to begin in romania, then to russia, turkey, india, thailand, indonesia, new zealand, uganda, south africa, bolivia, ecuador, and ending in haiti.
now, obviously, many things could come up in the next four years that could change these plans. but i am okay with that, because i know ultimately god is in charge of my steps and his plans are higher than mine. however, having this little dream to hold on to somehow makes the fact i have no immediate plans a little easier. i still have something to look forward to. honestly, i would drop everything and begin this adventure this summer, yet little things like money and actual plans stand in the way of that. but god calls us to dream big, and he will answer with even bigger realities.
so this is my dream. and i can't wait to see my reality!
Saturday, May 1, 2010
one month.
one month.
that is all i have left in this amazing city that i love so much. last saturday my roommate and i ventured up to the city to enjoy breakfast at my favorite place in the world, followed by shopping for material for costumes for my little dance girls. while riding in the bus between the cafe and the cloth market, i just gazed out the window, soaking in the sights of the cholitas selling their goods, the children running around, and just the daily doings of people. walking around the market, i realized that i won't be able to shop like this much longer. soon i will be stuck indoors in a store with the wares all nicely arranged on shelves. ugh. the thought makes me sick to my stomach. how can i trade my simple, adventurous life for life in the states?
then this week i was offered a chance to stay. it is tempting. staying means i can quit the horrid job search process. staying means i don't have to say goodbye. staying means i don't have to worry about the details of living in the states that i have avoided for the last four years. staying means i would have a plan. staying would be so easy.
but would i be happy? would i be in the lord's will? would i be able to live life to the fullest? staying also means dealing with people that i would rather not deal with. staying means trading in my classroom for an office. staying means another year of feeling stuck and bored. staying means dealing with more changes that are not always positive. staying means i might be missing out on a whole new adventure.
choosing the harder of two paths is definitely not easy. but i trust that it will be rewarding. and i know god will use me wherever he puts me. the only place i want to be is the place where he wants me. and someday, i will know where that is.
that is all i have left in this amazing city that i love so much. last saturday my roommate and i ventured up to the city to enjoy breakfast at my favorite place in the world, followed by shopping for material for costumes for my little dance girls. while riding in the bus between the cafe and the cloth market, i just gazed out the window, soaking in the sights of the cholitas selling their goods, the children running around, and just the daily doings of people. walking around the market, i realized that i won't be able to shop like this much longer. soon i will be stuck indoors in a store with the wares all nicely arranged on shelves. ugh. the thought makes me sick to my stomach. how can i trade my simple, adventurous life for life in the states?
then this week i was offered a chance to stay. it is tempting. staying means i can quit the horrid job search process. staying means i don't have to say goodbye. staying means i don't have to worry about the details of living in the states that i have avoided for the last four years. staying means i would have a plan. staying would be so easy.
but would i be happy? would i be in the lord's will? would i be able to live life to the fullest? staying also means dealing with people that i would rather not deal with. staying means trading in my classroom for an office. staying means another year of feeling stuck and bored. staying means dealing with more changes that are not always positive. staying means i might be missing out on a whole new adventure.
choosing the harder of two paths is definitely not easy. but i trust that it will be rewarding. and i know god will use me wherever he puts me. the only place i want to be is the place where he wants me. and someday, i will know where that is.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)