lovely day

i've always been an optimist. i have even earned the rather annoying nickname "buddy the elf" around certain friends here in bolivia. lately, i have been challenged to look for joy every day and not focus on the sorrows. should be easy for an optimist. however, i have discovered the difference between being an optimist and finding joy. true, an optimisit looks at situations in a positive light, but they are also always hopeful for the best even to the point of losing touch with reality. they can easily invent a brighter future and rationilize every situation to death. but finding joy means staying grounded in reality. seeing the world around you as it is and then finding the real joy that is hidden in every day. this is harder to do, but the results are much more rewarding.

yesterday was full of joy. each day i spend with my kids i love them more and more. it's wonderful to know that there is no limit to the love our hearts can hold. yesterday we had a celebration to celebrate our progress as readers and writers in the first month of school. the kids were so excited. we read together and shared the published stories we had written. and of course, ate some delicious snacks. while they were eating, one of my sweet girls looked up at me and said, "thank you miss shivers. you deserve your own celebration. you work so hard, you baked us yummy chocolate muffins and bought cookies with your own money. i love you so much." the class then preceeded to have"secret" class meetings to plan a celebration for me. the celebration included the kids hiding behind their chairs at recess and jumping out and yelling "surprise!" when i walked in the room and presenting me with the sweetest thank you card ever. we then preceeded to go outside and enjoy yet another beautiful recess together. we played freeze tag and my girls invented a new game where they all grabbed on to my arms, 2 or 3 on each side, and together we spun around as fast we could. do you remember finding joy in in just spinning around and around when you were little? let me tell you, that joy is still there even when you are 24! the evening was also lovely. we went out of the city a ways and enjoyed a bonfire in honor of a friend's birthday. we ate a delicious dinner and roasted marshmallows for s'mores. we then just sat around the fire, talking and sharing. there were times of silence as well, but not the awkward silence that is often present in groups of people, but a peaceful, serene silence as we enjoyed the beautiful fire in front of us and the amazing blanket of stars above us. mmm, it was delightful.

but henri nouwen is right. choosing joy is a discipline. i have been struggling with some things over the last couple of weeks and it would be very easy to just shut down and focus on those troubles. but i have been fighing to focus on the joy. not ignore the problems, but accept them, pray for them and then move on to the joy. and the result is i am finding more and more joy every day. and a joy that is very real, not the hopeful dream of an alternate reality.