So I have sat down to blog several times this week, but nothing ever came to me. I think it partly comes from not having anything new to say, but at the same time having so much going on in my mind that I can't get it all out in any way that makes any sense. But last night I was reading Sex God by Rob Bell and a few parts really jumped out at me and so I thought I would share (If you haven't read the book, I highly recommend it!).
"Some of the most comforting words in the universe are 'me too.'" -how true is this?! I always say that my friendship with my best friend started just like the old quote that says "Friends are born the moment you say, 'What, you too? I thought I was the only one!'" It began during a late night chat turned into an early morning heart to heart where every other sentence out of our mouths was the above one.
"..God has left the world unfinished. And with every action, we're continuing the ongoing creation of the world. The question is, What kind of world are we creating?"- hmm, food for thought.
"You can't be connected with God until you're at peace with who you are...And if you can't come to terms with who you are and the life you've been given, you'll never be able to accept others and how they were made and the lives they've been given. And until you're at peace with God and those around you, you will continue to struggle with your role on the planet, your part to play in the ongoing creation of the universe. You will continue to struggle and resist and fail to connect."
I love books that make you think :)
Thursday, February 28, 2008
Friday, February 22, 2008
Things That Make Me Happy
*Fridays
*Thunderstorms when I am snug in my bed
*Gilmore Girls
*Applesauce
*Good Food
*A Good Book
*Laughing so hard your stomach hurts
*Quality Conversations
*Dancing
*Kids' smiles and giggles
....hmm I'm sure there are many more...but those were the highlights of today...and now it is time for more good food. :)
Monday, February 18, 2008
Exhaustion
I am beginning to write this, having no idea where it is going to go. I am beginning to appreciate this outlet for my thoughts, although I am still very aware of the fact that as this is on the internet, it is not a safe place for all of my thoughts, even though I don't think anyone really reads this anyway. But the handwritten journal is a place for those deep down in your soul thoughts and that is where mine will stay. However, this blog has been cathartic and is helping me see how much I really do love writing.
Exhaustion. If I had a mood ring right now it would be turned to whatever color sheer exhaustion is...probably a pale, cloudy gray. That is how I feel. My kids are exhausting me. Try dealing with the intense mood swings of an 8 year old boy who one day is so depressed because "He has no friends, his heart is empty" and the next day is so incredibly happy to the point he won't sit still, cannot stop humming and has decided his greatest joy comes from using your leg as a punching bag (he just has to practice his "boxeo"). And he is one of 16. (this in no way takes away from how much I dearly love these kids...today was just a long day).
Relationships are also exahusting me. If you ever want to find out how well you can follow the commandment to love EVERYONE, move to a foreign country. Your world becomes infinitely bigger, but your community becomes infinitely smaller. In case there is anyone reading this, know that this isn't directed at any one person specifically. I have just had my eyes opened to how much work goes into any relationship and how this work is tripled when they are people you spend pretty much every waking hour of your life with. But I am learning good things through it all, humility, compassion...all those things we pray for until we realize how painful they are to learn. But it is good....just tiring.
Ok, well, I am pretty sure I could go on for a while, my head is quite full of thoughts right now, but I told myself when I started I wasn't allowed to write another book (see previous 2 entries). So I will end here. I get to dance tonight, which is a blessing from the Lord. I love the way he finds some means to bring us joy on those days that trials have overwhelmed us. And so I continue to dance for Him...
Exhaustion. If I had a mood ring right now it would be turned to whatever color sheer exhaustion is...probably a pale, cloudy gray. That is how I feel. My kids are exhausting me. Try dealing with the intense mood swings of an 8 year old boy who one day is so depressed because "He has no friends, his heart is empty" and the next day is so incredibly happy to the point he won't sit still, cannot stop humming and has decided his greatest joy comes from using your leg as a punching bag (he just has to practice his "boxeo"). And he is one of 16. (this in no way takes away from how much I dearly love these kids...today was just a long day).
Relationships are also exahusting me. If you ever want to find out how well you can follow the commandment to love EVERYONE, move to a foreign country. Your world becomes infinitely bigger, but your community becomes infinitely smaller. In case there is anyone reading this, know that this isn't directed at any one person specifically. I have just had my eyes opened to how much work goes into any relationship and how this work is tripled when they are people you spend pretty much every waking hour of your life with. But I am learning good things through it all, humility, compassion...all those things we pray for until we realize how painful they are to learn. But it is good....just tiring.
Ok, well, I am pretty sure I could go on for a while, my head is quite full of thoughts right now, but I told myself when I started I wasn't allowed to write another book (see previous 2 entries). So I will end here. I get to dance tonight, which is a blessing from the Lord. I love the way he finds some means to bring us joy on those days that trials have overwhelmed us. And so I continue to dance for Him...
Saturday, February 16, 2008
The Hole in the Kitchen Floor
I love Bolivia, I really do. But some days I just don't understand this country. Today has been one of those days.
I woke up early to the old men playing soccer on the field below my window. Usually I can sleep through the shouting, but today I was wide awake. I decided to get up and get to work on the massive amount of cleaning that I had to do. Three weeks without water causes a lot of cleaning projects to build up. I was pleasantly surprised to find that the water that had been off the night before had been turned back on and set to work cleaning my bathroom, bedroom, and doing laundry. Everything was going smoothly (with the exception of a spastic sink that wouldn't let the hot water run, but rather spat it out in explosive splurts...but I could deal with that) until I set out to tackle the rather large pile of dishes sitting in our kitchen sink. I washed some very gross chicken-y pans and then let out the dirty dishwater. I then refilled the sink and got work on a week's worth of cereal bowls and tupperware (rememer: we have not had water, we do not usually let dishes build up for a week). As I am washing these, I glance down and am greeted by the sight of all the dirty dishwater I had just let down the drain coming back up through a hole in our kitchen floor. Now, this isn't the first time this has happened, but it is the first time I have witnessed it. Usually we just find half of our kitchen floor underwater and cannot figure out where in the world it came from. Today I solved the mystery. The hole in the kitchen floor. Watching dirty, soapy water come pouring out onto your floor accompanied by the smell of sewage is not a pleasant experience. I finished the dishes, carefully and slowly let the water out, tried pouring hot soapy water down the hole to clean it, and mopped the kitchen floor. But through all of this I could not figure out what kind of system Bolivia has that allows water that goes down the drain to come back up through the floor. Feel free to enlighten me.
And just in case my frustration with Bolivia wasn't complete, I ended up washing my hair 4 times during my one shower this morning. Now to be honest, it was mostly my fault for not reading the label of the shampoo bottle closely enough to notice that it was a shampoo-conditioner in one, which leaves my hair greasy (hence the four washings...yes, it took me washing my hair four times and it still feeling greasy after each one before I looked at the bottle and realized the mistake). However, I feel Bolivia is still to blame, at least a little bit. There is no such thing as one-stop shopping here. In order to get everything on my grocery list any given day I usually have to go to at least 2, if not 3 or 4, stores. This was the second bottle of shampoo I have bought in the last 4 days that did not work. I had been forced to buy kinds that I didn't usually use because the store I was in did not have any of the kinds I do use and I was in a hurry and did not have time to go try 3 other stores. So while I should have read the label more carefully, if stores in Bolivia could just stay in stock I would have never have needed to buy a new kind.
Now, I know this has seemed like Bolivia-bashing, but honestly I love living here, and these little inconviences just add to the experience and make for good stories. I am not angry or bitter, but rather I face these challenges with a laugh and an "oh, Bolivia!". It's just a different place. A place where they enforce speed limits by placing speed bumps every twenty feet on main roads. A place where you can buy any DVD for less than $2. A place where heavy rains can actually cause your water to be shut off for three weeks. A place where you can go 6 months in debt on your telephone bill and never even know it. A place where instead of snow days, you get strike days and rain days. A place where every Saturday, Sunday, and Wednesday large groups of dancers gather to practice for hours to live Bolivian music outside, right under you window. A place where just looking up can offer a breath-taking view of one majestic mountain or another.
A place that I call home. :)
I woke up early to the old men playing soccer on the field below my window. Usually I can sleep through the shouting, but today I was wide awake. I decided to get up and get to work on the massive amount of cleaning that I had to do. Three weeks without water causes a lot of cleaning projects to build up. I was pleasantly surprised to find that the water that had been off the night before had been turned back on and set to work cleaning my bathroom, bedroom, and doing laundry. Everything was going smoothly (with the exception of a spastic sink that wouldn't let the hot water run, but rather spat it out in explosive splurts...but I could deal with that) until I set out to tackle the rather large pile of dishes sitting in our kitchen sink. I washed some very gross chicken-y pans and then let out the dirty dishwater. I then refilled the sink and got work on a week's worth of cereal bowls and tupperware (rememer: we have not had water, we do not usually let dishes build up for a week). As I am washing these, I glance down and am greeted by the sight of all the dirty dishwater I had just let down the drain coming back up through a hole in our kitchen floor. Now, this isn't the first time this has happened, but it is the first time I have witnessed it. Usually we just find half of our kitchen floor underwater and cannot figure out where in the world it came from. Today I solved the mystery. The hole in the kitchen floor. Watching dirty, soapy water come pouring out onto your floor accompanied by the smell of sewage is not a pleasant experience. I finished the dishes, carefully and slowly let the water out, tried pouring hot soapy water down the hole to clean it, and mopped the kitchen floor. But through all of this I could not figure out what kind of system Bolivia has that allows water that goes down the drain to come back up through the floor. Feel free to enlighten me.
And just in case my frustration with Bolivia wasn't complete, I ended up washing my hair 4 times during my one shower this morning. Now to be honest, it was mostly my fault for not reading the label of the shampoo bottle closely enough to notice that it was a shampoo-conditioner in one, which leaves my hair greasy (hence the four washings...yes, it took me washing my hair four times and it still feeling greasy after each one before I looked at the bottle and realized the mistake). However, I feel Bolivia is still to blame, at least a little bit. There is no such thing as one-stop shopping here. In order to get everything on my grocery list any given day I usually have to go to at least 2, if not 3 or 4, stores. This was the second bottle of shampoo I have bought in the last 4 days that did not work. I had been forced to buy kinds that I didn't usually use because the store I was in did not have any of the kinds I do use and I was in a hurry and did not have time to go try 3 other stores. So while I should have read the label more carefully, if stores in Bolivia could just stay in stock I would have never have needed to buy a new kind.
Now, I know this has seemed like Bolivia-bashing, but honestly I love living here, and these little inconviences just add to the experience and make for good stories. I am not angry or bitter, but rather I face these challenges with a laugh and an "oh, Bolivia!". It's just a different place. A place where they enforce speed limits by placing speed bumps every twenty feet on main roads. A place where you can buy any DVD for less than $2. A place where heavy rains can actually cause your water to be shut off for three weeks. A place where you can go 6 months in debt on your telephone bill and never even know it. A place where instead of snow days, you get strike days and rain days. A place where every Saturday, Sunday, and Wednesday large groups of dancers gather to practice for hours to live Bolivian music outside, right under you window. A place where just looking up can offer a breath-taking view of one majestic mountain or another.
A place that I call home. :)
Friday, February 15, 2008
A New Beginning
So this morning I decided to start blogging. I decided partly because there have been so many thoughts in my head lately that getting them down might keep me from going crazy and partly (mostly, actually) because I felt I needed a new distraction, facebook was getting kind of old. This is a big step for me, a commitment I never thought I could handle. I was talking with friends at New Years about how I never make New Year resolutions specifically because I seem to just make them throughout the year. So I guess we could call this my February resolution. Let's see how it goes!
So, where to begin...there are so many things I could write about. But since yesterday was Valentine's Day, I will start there. I have heard the term "Singles Awareness Day" many times, and must admit the first time I heard it, I thought it was rather funny and probably used it. However, anyone who honestly believes that is all Valentine's Day is should teach lower elementary. Seven and eight year olds HATE "mushy, gushy, boy-girl love" yet at the same time, love Valentine's Day. The morning started with me trying to convince my boys that Valentine's day was so much more than a girly holiday all about mushy love and ended with the entire class having a blast finding kind things to write about each other and celebrating friendship. And I was reminded of the many places we find love. For example, every day I walk into a classroom of 16 little second graders who I love dearly and who love me unconditionally. My Valentine's Day was full of hugs, kisses, homemade cards and pictures from the sweetest kids, and yet, it had very little to do with a Hallmark holiday, but rather, was just another day in my classroom. I have been entrusted with these little souls and I work hard to make my classroom a safe haven, full of love and in return, have been rewarded with more love than I could ever imagine.
And if that wasn't enough, I am constantly blessed by the amazing friends the Lord has brought into my life. I was fortunate enough to get to spend last night with my amazing roommate and another teacher trying a new restuarant, splurging on delicious chocolatey desserts and just basking in the amazing gift of friendship. I never once regretted the fact I didn't have a date because I was still spending that time with people I love. Last night I looked back over the last several years of date-less Valentine's Days and rather than feeling depressed and lonely, I recalled some of the best times spent with best friends. One day, there may be a date (I hope, anyway), and I am sure it will be wonderful, but I wonder....will there be a small part of me that misses that special girl time? That time when you as best friends come together just to celebrate being friends? Just in case, I plan to soak it all up now.
So anyway, that was a long ramble. I don't even know if anyone will read it, but I just know that for me yesterday was a special day, because I was reminded of how I am surrounded by love every day. I need to stop taking it for granted and start appreciating it for what it is.
So, where to begin...there are so many things I could write about. But since yesterday was Valentine's Day, I will start there. I have heard the term "Singles Awareness Day" many times, and must admit the first time I heard it, I thought it was rather funny and probably used it. However, anyone who honestly believes that is all Valentine's Day is should teach lower elementary. Seven and eight year olds HATE "mushy, gushy, boy-girl love" yet at the same time, love Valentine's Day. The morning started with me trying to convince my boys that Valentine's day was so much more than a girly holiday all about mushy love and ended with the entire class having a blast finding kind things to write about each other and celebrating friendship. And I was reminded of the many places we find love. For example, every day I walk into a classroom of 16 little second graders who I love dearly and who love me unconditionally. My Valentine's Day was full of hugs, kisses, homemade cards and pictures from the sweetest kids, and yet, it had very little to do with a Hallmark holiday, but rather, was just another day in my classroom. I have been entrusted with these little souls and I work hard to make my classroom a safe haven, full of love and in return, have been rewarded with more love than I could ever imagine.
And if that wasn't enough, I am constantly blessed by the amazing friends the Lord has brought into my life. I was fortunate enough to get to spend last night with my amazing roommate and another teacher trying a new restuarant, splurging on delicious chocolatey desserts and just basking in the amazing gift of friendship. I never once regretted the fact I didn't have a date because I was still spending that time with people I love. Last night I looked back over the last several years of date-less Valentine's Days and rather than feeling depressed and lonely, I recalled some of the best times spent with best friends. One day, there may be a date (I hope, anyway), and I am sure it will be wonderful, but I wonder....will there be a small part of me that misses that special girl time? That time when you as best friends come together just to celebrate being friends? Just in case, I plan to soak it all up now.
So anyway, that was a long ramble. I don't even know if anyone will read it, but I just know that for me yesterday was a special day, because I was reminded of how I am surrounded by love every day. I need to stop taking it for granted and start appreciating it for what it is.
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