Exhaustion

I am beginning to write this, having no idea where it is going to go. I am beginning to appreciate this outlet for my thoughts, although I am still very aware of the fact that as this is on the internet, it is not a safe place for all of my thoughts, even though I don't think anyone really reads this anyway. But the handwritten journal is a place for those deep down in your soul thoughts and that is where mine will stay. However, this blog has been cathartic and is helping me see how much I really do love writing.

Exhaustion. If I had a mood ring right now it would be turned to whatever color sheer exhaustion is...probably a pale, cloudy gray. That is how I feel. My kids are exhausting me. Try dealing with the intense mood swings of an 8 year old boy who one day is so depressed because "He has no friends, his heart is empty" and the next day is so incredibly happy to the point he won't sit still, cannot stop humming and has decided his greatest joy comes from using your leg as a punching bag (he just has to practice his "boxeo"). And he is one of 16. (this in no way takes away from how much I dearly love these kids...today was just a long day).

Relationships are also exahusting me. If you ever want to find out how well you can follow the commandment to love EVERYONE, move to a foreign country. Your world becomes infinitely bigger, but your community becomes infinitely smaller. In case there is anyone reading this, know that this isn't directed at any one person specifically. I have just had my eyes opened to how much work goes into any relationship and how this work is tripled when they are people you spend pretty much every waking hour of your life with. But I am learning good things through it all, humility, compassion...all those things we pray for until we realize how painful they are to learn. But it is good....just tiring.

Ok, well, I am pretty sure I could go on for a while, my head is quite full of thoughts right now, but I told myself when I started I wasn't allowed to write another book (see previous 2 entries). So I will end here. I get to dance tonight, which is a blessing from the Lord. I love the way he finds some means to bring us joy on those days that trials have overwhelmed us. And so I continue to dance for Him...