in the secret

This morning as I rolled over and slowly opened my eyes, savoring those last few seconds of a dream now long forgotten, there was something missing. The usual hustle and bustle of the busy business district where I live was gone, and in its place there was a peace and stillness in the air. No cars were driving by, no car alarms were going off, no middle aged men were playing soccer on the cancha below my window, everything was quiet. Today was voting day. In Bolivia, voting always takes place on a Sunday and is accompanied by some rather odd rules. Forty-eight hours before voting and for 12 hours after, the purchase and consumption of alcohol is prohibited (although how they enforce that is beyond me). The grocery stores block off the alcohol aisles with yellow tape or a black curtain, in a fashion similar to holy week. There are also no unauthorized motorized vehicles allowed on the streets, meaning no private or public transportation. So instead of the usual grating noise of car alarm after car alarm going off, today has been filled with the voices of children riding their bikes in the usually busy, but now empty streets. And while today is the day that could determine the future of the tumultuous country that is my home for 10 months of the year, I have claimed today for myself. I spent the morning in prayer, asking the Lord to use the quietness of this day to minister to a lonely heart. And through the tasks of the day he has answered. In the feeling of peace I have now that my living space is clean and organized. In the brief conversation with a friend that is far away. Even in the movie I watched that epitomized loneliness, I was able to see what can happen to people who don't have the Lord during lonely times and take comfort in the knowledge that I have a Father and Savior in heaven who is with me always. Our God is faithful and answers those cries from the depths of our souls. My prayer for you is that you too might be able to experience a day of quiet, a day to meet the Lord in the secret, a day where you are able to hear the soft whisper of his voice speaking peace and love to your heart.

mercy

i finally got to watch the so you think you can dance season finale. it was amazing! even though i was slightly disappointed in the results, they were all incredible dancers. here are my two favorite dancers (and who i think should have won) doing my favorite dance:

dancing through life

"The human person not only wants to live, but wants to know why to live....A life that is not reflected upon eventually loses its meaning and becomes boring....When a child is born, friends get married, a parent dies, people revolt, a nation starves, it's not enough just to know about these things and to celebrate, grieve, or respond the best we can. We have to keep asking ourselves: 'What does it all mean? What is God trying to tell us? How are we called to live in the midst of all this?' Without such questions our lives become numb and flat.
But are there any answers? There are, but we will never find them unless we are willing to live the questions first, and trust that, as Rilke say, we will, without ever knowing it, grow into the answer."
~Henri Nouwen

looking for the kingdom coming down

"When it's dark enough, you can see the stars." ~Persian Proverb

"God is within her, she will not fall. God will help her at break of day." Psalm 46:5

"Are we able and willing to unhook ourselves from the restraining emotional bonds that prevent us from following our deepest vocation?" ~Henri Nouwen

"We proclaim him, admonishing and teaching everyone with all wisdom, so that we may present everyone perfect in Christ. To this end I labor, struggling with all his energy, which so powerfully works in me." Colossians 1:28-29

***
I'm back in Bolivia after rather strange summer vacation. In many ways it's wonderful to be back. I'm excited for a new year of teaching. Setting up and decorating my classroom and planning lessons has reminded me how much I love my job. It is also encouraging to be surrounded by people who have stepped out on faith to follow the command to go and make disciples in every nation. To begin staff meetings every morning with a time of devotion and to be encouraged daily by the Word is refreshing.

However, being here without my dear friend who has been such an integral part of my life the last two years is a million times harder and lonelier than I ever imagined.

But God does work in mysterious ways. Yesterday I received an encouraging message on facebook. It was from a girl I went to high school with but was never very close to. I hadn't talked to anyone from high school in 6 years (since graduation). Yet for some reason, yesterday she decided to send me a message to tell me she was praying for me. I think we both kind of knew in high school that the other was a Christian, but those were lonely years and neither of us made a big deal about our faith. She explained in her message the loneliness of high school and the change she experienced in college, once again growing strong in her faith. It was like looking in a mirror, to speak metaphorically. I think we both regret having let those years slip by. However, God used this message from someone I barely know to encourage me in a time of deep loneliness and to remind me that we should never just let the days slip by, but claim each day for Him.

i guess i better do this :)

so i've been meme'd twice now, by brian and the lovely laura and since i couldn't sleep i figured i might as well do this :)

Here are the rules:
1. Link to your tagger and post these rules on your blog.
2. Share 7 facts about yourself on your blog, some random, some weird.
3. Tag 7 people at the end of your post by leaving their names as well as links to their blogs.
4. Let them know they are tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.

***

1. There is still a tiny part of me that dreams of being a ballerina.
2. I absolutely love my job and don't really feel as if I go to work or am an adult.
3. I apparently have weird tastebuds....I hate all cheese, all coffee, and all alcohol (well, all that I have tried, anyway) and certain fruits make my tongue burn.
4. I love cheesy movies, but cheesiness in real life kind of makes me want to throw up. (and there is defintely a difference between cheesy and romantic!)
5. I absolutely detest all packing and unpacking, even though I love traveling.
6. Somewhere up in the sky there is a star that is named after me.
7. I used to think that when you could see the sun's rays streaming in through the clouds that if you could get right under those spots you could look up and see heaven....and was devastated to learn that that effect is caused by smog.

Now, unfortunatey, everyone I know with a blog has already done this, so I have no one to tag. oops!

see my big girl shoes

Overboard
I could write my name by the age of three
and I don't need anyone to cut my meat for me.
I'm a big girl now, see my big girl shoes.
It'll take more than just a breeze to make me

Fall over, fall over, fall overboard, overboard.
Fall overboard just so you can catch me.

But as strong as I seem to think I am my distressing damsel,
She comes out at night when the moon's filled up and your eyes are
bright, then I think I simply aught to

Fall over, fall over, fall overboard, overboard.
Fall overboard just so you can catch me.
You can catch me.

I watch the ships go sailing by
I play the girl will you play the guy.
And I never thought I'd be the type
to fall, to fall, to fall, to fall to fall.

To fall over, fall over, fall overboard, overboard.
Fall overboard just so you can catch me.
You can catch me, you can catch me, you can catch-

I watch the ships go sailing by I be your girl will you be my guy.
And I never thought I'd be the type to fall, to fall.

To fall, to fall, to fall...

To fall over, fall over, fall overboard, overboard.
Fall overboard just so you can catch me.
You can catch me, you can catch me.



*i'm not sure why, probably because the first verse really speaks to where i am, but this has become my song of the moment.*

so little time

As I sat down to write this post a thousand cliches about time came to mind, such as "Time flies when you are having fun" and "There is never enough time in a day". I know cliches are overused and so I will refrain from continuing the cheesiness. But they become overused for a reason, they are absolutely true. I have now been home two and half weeks with 4 weeks to go and time is just flying.

I just spent an amazing week in Philly with my best friends from college. We filled our time with the beach (or "the shore" as they say in Jersey), lots of eating out, shopping, birthday dinners, a trip to Naked Chocolate (an amazing chocolate cafe and one of my favorite places in the world...don't get me started on how much i love chocolate!), and of course, the reason we were all there, lots and lots of stuff for Sarah's wedding. We went out for her bachelorette party, cruising in style in a Cadillac Escalade Limo, rehearsed the wedding and enjoyed getting to know her other friends at the rehearsal dinner, and then enjoyed the big day with lots tears, laughter, and dancing! I was complimented many times on my reading of Psalm 100, to which I wanted to reply, "Thank you, I've been reading since Kindgergarten." But instead I just smiled and said thank you. Jackie and I even got to catch up with an "old friend" from college...actually he had never talked to us in college and we aren't sure he even knew our names, but he pretty much spent the entire reception talking to us, much to our amusement. It really was an amazing time. And the result was our little Sarah is all grown up and married...so weird! But my favorite times of the week were the times we sat around Jackie's apartment in pajamas, drinking smoothies or eating ice cream and just talking about life. A lot has happened to all of us over the past year since we had seen each other last and there was so much to catch up on. We never went to bed before 2am and one morning at 5:30 the sun was starting to peek through the blinds as we decided to get a few hours of sleep before a day full of rehearsing. Sleeping was such a waste of time, there was too much to talk about! It was a little strange however, because in talking to these people who know me better than anyone, my eyes were opened to how much I have changed over the last year. My friend was going through something really hard and I was able to help her through it because I had gone through almost the exact same thing 6 months before, and had really grown through that situation. Looking back over that time, it was almost worth all the pain then to be able to grow and help someone else because of it. Even though I had changed in many ways, as had the other girls, it didn't matter. We are the kind of friends you pray to find and once you do you never let go. We are growing and changing in different ways because all of our lives are very different, but we are friends where it matters, way down deep in the core of who we are. And that will never change.

That week flew by though, and saying goodbye is always so hard, especially when it will be at least another year before we see each other again. And now I am afraid of the remaining time here flying by as well. There are so many people I want to see, and not just see, but spend quality time with before I go back to Bolivia. I am not sure I am going to be ready to leave once July 30 rolls around, it just seems too close. And this time I am leaving for 10 months. Part of me thinks I might be just a little crazy. I am slightly dreading going back, knowing I that when I do my closest friend will no longer be there and she is how I survived this past year. I start to wonder why I decided to go back in the first place. And then I see the face of my kids and i remember the feeling I get in when I am teaching in my classroom. And I know it's where I am supposed to be. So right now, I will enjoy the next four weeks. I will enjoy the people here and just live life, making the most of every moment. Letting life happen.