Looking Back

I just had a wonderful conversation with one of my best friends in the whole world. I can't believe we went from living together for four years to only seeing each other maybe once a year. I miss her soo much. Anyway, during our conversation she mentioned she had just found our old xanga sites from senior year of college. So I decided to see if I could find mine again, which I did. It was quite entertaining to read the old entries. Some reminded me of the hysterically funny times with my roommate and suitemates. Some were all about the angst of trying to figure out what to do after graduation. Those were probably the most interesting to read since now I am on the other side of that and I have seen God's faithfulness in answering my fervent prayers for guidance. It was funny to see the kinds of things I thought I might do (go somewhere with Word Made Flesh, work in an orphanage somewhere in the 10-40 window) and who knows I might still end up doing some of them some day. But now I am content teaching in Bolivia and I know I am exactly where God wants me. I thought I would post here a couple of the old entries that I found to be good reminders of who I am and where I came from:

I was created for such a time as this
I was made for now
I was made to fight
I was made to stand and open up their eyes
I was made for love
I was made for You
I was made to be Your hands and Your feet
I was made to live
I was made to fly
I was made for more than I've allowed in my life
I was made for today
So I will live my life like I was made
These lyrics I adapted from a song that we listened to last night at my amazing ICO retreat (in the song it is God speaking to us saying "You were made....", but this way for me helps me see my identity clearer). I love these words...they really express who we are and our identity in Christ. But the last line is the challenge...living like we are made. So much easier said than done. (Nov. 12, 2005)

Monday, November 07, 2005
From the Interview form for NICS:
How have you felt God calling you specifically to missions?
I began to feel the tugging on my heart to enter the mission field the summer after my eighth grade year when I went on my first overseas mission trip to the Dominican Republic. I was the kind of girl who hated bugs, hated being dirty, hated being hot, and was a very picky eater. However, on this trip, even though gigantic spiders climbed the walls next to my bed, I was often hot and dirty, and I had to eat things that I didn’t necessarily like, none of this really bothered me. I fit in down there and I didn’t want to leave. However, at the time I didn’t realize the significance of all of this. I continued to go on mission trips every summer during high school and enjoyed every single one. Then when I came to college and began searching for God’s will for my life I began to see those trips as God preparing me for what he was calling me to do. During my sophomore year, for over a month straight, everything I read in the Bible, every worship service I attended, something reminded me of missions. I read God’s command to sing his praise to all nations, I read about Isaiah declaring “Here am I, send me.” I sang a song that included the lines “You said ‘Ask, and I’ll give the nations to you’”. I heard speakers speak on mission experiences and had friends go on their own trips. Then, at the end of this time, I went home to Cincinnati for Thanksgiving break and that happened to be where the National Missionary Convention was being held that year. I attended one evening with my parents. As my mom and I were walking around looking at the different booths, we passed one that was for parents of overseas missionaries. My mom looked at me and asked if that was one she needed to check out. I had not yet told her that more and more I was learning that God was calling me to overseas missions, but somehow she already knew. During the speaker that night, I sat in my seat with tears streaming down my face knowing for sure that God had called me to the overseas mission field to heal and teach his lost and broken children.

So I just finished filling out the interview form for the Network of International Christian Schools and I submitted it! That was crazy and a huge step of faith. I still do not know if this opportunity is what the Lord has planned for me. But now I have acted and done what I can and it's up to him to show me the way. However, it was an incredible experience answering the above question. Just to put together all the little signs and see the big picture is amazing and totally confirming. I know more than ever that God wants me overseas. Now I must wait patiently as he reveals to me where and when he wants me to go. It is not easy to wait, but as i just discovered it's not easy to act either. That is why I am so glad we have AN AMAZING ALL POWERFUL GOD directing our paths. I don't have to worry about it. He will guide me as I seek His will. I just pray that I will be able to discern his will..... and sometimes that seems so hard.
_________________________________________

Yeah, reading that answer to the interview question just confirmed again how the Lord has led me to the place where I am today...and like the end of the song says...I need to be living my life like I was made....He led me here...is my life a reflection of that truth?