growing smaller and smaller...

...until we take over the world. ~Shane Claiborne

"The Jesus movement is a revolution that dances" ~Shane Claiborne

I finally got around to reading Irresistible Revolution by Shane Claiborne. Over the last few years, I have had friend after friend reccommend this book to me. However, not usually willing to pay full price for a book, I waited until I finally found it at Half-Price Books and then I snatched it up this summer. I had been warned though. This guy is completely radical, but he has some good ideas. I was expecting to find some good nuggets of wisdom, but also to disagree with a lot of what he said. Or even if I didn't completely disagree, at least just pass it off as the ramblings of a radical, and as not actually practical ways of living for everyone. However, I was wrong. I think I agreed with almost everything he said. And it is hard. Maybe the reason some people would like to pass him off as a radical is that what he says is hard. But as I read, I couldn't help but think, This sounds right. This sounds like Jesus. Jesus was not an easy person to follow in his time, why should he be an easy person to follow now?

I know I am not ready to completely give up everything in the way Shane has, however, I also know that is because of my own selfishness, not because I don't think it is necessary. But I want to start taking small steps in giving up my rights and my life, and allowing Jesus to really work through me. I pray for open eyes to see the opportunities to show love and the courage to take them.

And maybe a small part of me just loved this book because every chapter talked about a revolution that dances. And how beautiful is that?

we've moved out of jesus' neighborhood

it's been a strange transition back to bolivia. i am home, yet homesick for the "old" bolivia with all my dear friends who have left. it's been hard. however, God is good and today was full of those precious moments that remind me of my love for this place. being back in my bolivian church, singing the familiar spanish worship songs, just felt right, i was at peace.

i came back to bolivia this year refreshed and with a renewed fire to invest in the lives of those living in poverty with whom i often come in contact. and after spending a beautiful two hours at the river with some of the most amazing kids i know, my heart is so full, and yet so broken. i spent most of my time, laughing and talking with the 15-16 year old girls whom i have spent the last 3 years falling more in love with every week. they have always been obsessed with my hair, lovingly brushing it and stroking it, asking me why i am not a model (i usually just say, "because i am a teacher":) ), but today they kept asking me what shampoo i use and how much it cost, because they wanted to make their hair smooth like mine. and i couldn't respond. how could i tell them i spend more on a bottle of shampoo than their family probably does on a whole day's worth of food? instead, i just promised to bring each of them a bottle...because what 15 year old girl doesn't deserve to pamper herself a little?

however, the whole time i was laughing with these girls, inside i was breaking and the tears were threatening. because one of these beautiful girls, 16 year old Erika, had been mysteriously absent the whole last semester, and today had shown up with a new little baby boy on her back. her son. i don't know what happened, and she seemed embarassed, so i didn't ask, but my mind just ran through all the scenarios, wondering if she had been "married" off by her family, or if she had fallen for some boy somewhere, or if this baby was the result of some awful abuse. all i knew was this lovely girl should not have been a mother yet. i held the tiny baby for a while so she could do the sunday school activity with everyone else, and she and some of the other girls joked about him being my baby. and with all my heart i wished i could have taken him from her and given her the chance at a least a semi-normal childhood, without the burden of motherhood. but alas, that is not my place. so instead, i will love this girl and her little boy with all my heart and do anything i can to make her life easier. i don't know yet what this will be, but i am praying for God to open my eyes to opportunities to show His love to her and to give me the courage to follow through. because how many times do we feel that nudge, but let the doubts and worries of what others will think or how much it will cost keep us from acting on it? i know for me it happens all too often that i ignore that quiet whisper. and therefore my prayer this year is that i will act whenever or wherever the opportunity arises.

"we can do no great things, only small things with great love." ~mother theresa

all that matters is we're going

back to la paz. back to the magnificent mountains. back to my cozy apartment. back to the icy cold. back to the breathtaking views from our back window. and soon back to work. back to the little children that make it all worth it. back to the giggles and smiles that can brighten any day. back to the place i love.

old friends are gone. new friends have come. new challenges seem to arise everyday. but all that matters is we're going. we're moving forward. making the name of jesus famous in the city of la paz.

that they may see

tonight was our final community group of the year. i was not expecting it to be nearly as emotional as it turned out to be. but as i sat in the room surrounded by friends who all serve in la paz in many different capacities, i suddenly was forced to deal with the fact that change happens and many of these friends are leaving after this school year. actually, friends just doesn't seem a strong enough word to describe these people, some of whom have i have done life with for 3 years. we started our journey in memphis, tennessee at our pre-field orientation, and then began the adventure that is bolivia together. and it kills me to know that this chapter of the adventure is coming to a close. bolivia will not be the same without the big brothers who come to the rescue when the showerhead explodes or when the washing machine needs to be connected, without the sisters with whom you can cry with and laugh with and just talk with for hours. these people have been my support, my family and the many memories we have created together will last forever. yet they are being called elsewhere. and i am called to stay. i don't pretend to understand the will of God, and so i don't understand how we can be allowed such a short time with people who are such kindred spirits. yet, i trust and i know there is a plan for good in all of this. who knows what next year will bring? that is something i am still working on giving up to the Lord. but in the meantime, i will savor these last few sweet moments with dear friends.

tonight one of the friends that is leaving shared a song he wrote for those of us who are staying. it's beautiful and so special:

You are a city on a hill
Not to be hid
But to shine through the night

You are the light of all the world
Don't let it fade
But blaze bright

That they may see your good works
And praise your Father up in heaven

So let the little children come
Let them come
Do not hinder

Lay My Word before their path
To be a Lamp
To light the way

That they may see your good works
And praise your Father up in heaven

it was after this song that the tears began and they didn't stop until the night was over. thankfully we had so you think you can dance to lighten the mood afterwards :)

here or there...more random thoughts

i am failing miserably at my goal to not count down until i go home. i am less than three weeks away from getting on a plane and stepping foot in the states for the first time in over 10 months. and i cannot wait! but i think as i continued to reflect this week on what it means to live in the moment, i realized that it's okay to be excited for what is to come, as long as you don't let that excitement take priority over what is happening today. so i will admit, i am very excited about my upcoming break and the time i am going to get to spend with friends and family that i have not seen in a long time. however, i can be excited for that future but still be here. i am not going to let that desire to go home keep me sitting at home at night wishing for what is to come. and when i am hanging out with my friends here over the next three weeks, i am really going to be present with them, soaking up those friendships and not just wasting time until i get to go home. it's a hard place to be, wanting to be in two places at the same time, but i am learning that it's just part of living overseas. and i have to keep working to find a balance.

for a dreamer, night's the only time of day

your sunny someday will come one day...

may. the month i have looking forward to all year. may meant accreditation would be done. may meant i could just teach my kids without worrying about all the extra work. may meant i was one month closer to going home for a much needed break after this incredibly tough year. of course now may is here and i am realizing may also means preparing for end of the year elementary awards, going to a million families' houses for end of the year almuerzos and cenas, making sure my growing second graders are really ready for third grade, saying goodbye to some of my best friends here in bolivia, and finally, this may has also brought a sprained ankle, making just the act of getting out of bed in the morning a laborious chore. but i am realizing that always looking ahead for sunny somedays only causes you to miss out on the silver linings of the rain clouds of the present. when the bible says not to worry about tomorrow, it is not saying don't just worry about the bad things that might happen tomorrow, but don't even look forward to the good that may come....just don't worry about it at all. we can't live our lives looking ahead. if we do, we will miss so much. so rather than looking ahead to june, when i will be back with friends and family in the states, i want to spend may living each day, looking for joy each day, and recognizing my many blessings, for they are numerous.

and to begin this new challenge of being present every day and not looking ahead, i want to take a minute to write a list of things that have brought me joy the past few days:

* cold wintery mornings....i might complain about the cold, but really there is nothing like bundling up in winter sweaters, scarves, hats, and gloves, and feeling the icy wind on your cheeks. there is something just so cozy and comfy about winter...even when it comes in may!
*my amazing roommates of past and present...god has been amazing and it seems i am always able to find kindred spirits in the girls i live with. from college to now, i couldn't ask for better roommates, who become more than just friends, but family as well.
*the funny things my kids say and do....from asking if they should "multiplicate" to breakdancing to bringing their knitting to recess, my kids are a constant source of joy.
*being able to follow and participate in spanish conversations
*the amazing mountains that surround me and the beautiful sunrises and sunsets...yes i see both almost every day!
*emails and im conversations with friends back home
*chicken korma from my favorite british-indian curry restaurant
*watching friends and gilmore girls....and having a roommate who is sweet enough to always let us use her computer now that mine is broken
*gianduia ice cream from the gelaterria down the street


and the list goes on and on......how blessed i am!