Breaking Point

I arrived at school this moring to news that almost sent me over the edge. One of the little boys in my class has struggled with brain tumors since the age of 3 months. He has had multiple surgeries in his 9 years, one in chile which left his left side paralyzed and his left eye blind. He recently missed the entire second quarter of this year because of complications and having to go to the United States for more surgeries. This morning I learned that the valve in his brain that drains the liquid caused by the tumors that puts pressure on his brain has closed completely and he needs emergency surgery in LA. He won't be able to fly out until Thursday or Friday and he is not in good shape right now. Most likely he won't be back for the rest of the year. First, I can't imagine being 9 and dealing with all of this. Second, I can't imagine needing emergency surgery and having to wait to get a flight to another country for it. Third, he is so far behind already, I have no idea what to do for him academically. Where is he going to end up?

Lord, I don't know how much more I can take...

You give and take away

Today began with me not wanting to get out of bed, for a myriad of reasons. But once I dragged myself out, I was glad I did. (Isn't that usually the case?) I started my morning listening to a podcast from Mark Driscoll at Mars Hill in Seattle on finding joy in suffering. It had many things I needed to hear. "You will suffer, so suffer well." I then joined my beautiful roommate to make and enjoy a lovely Sunday brunch. Chocolate and peanut butter chip pancakes and cinnamon chip pancakes, fruit salad, and homemade fresh fruit smoothies. If nothing else, that was worth getting out of bed for! We then spent time in prayer. We usually pray together every Sunday night, but we have other plans tonight so we moved it to this morning. It is such a special time. Curled up on my bed, just sharing our burdens and troubles, with no worries of being judged. A time to be completely honest and pour out our hearts. Then lift each other up to the Lord in prayer. Even though things are changing faster than I can keep up with and some things seem to spiraling out of control, the Lord offers small blessings through quiet times such as this morning. And now to do a bit of schoolwork before going to the river and a good-bye party this evening...

Maggie Grace, My Little Bolivian Sobrina

Welcome to the world, Maggie Grace! This precious little baby was just over 24 hours old when I got to hold her in my arms! She is the tiniest, most perfect thing I have ever held. Tears welled up in my eyes as I looked at this new, beautiful baby and I thought about how much love surrounded her. Who can think about the troubles of the world when holding a little piece of heaven in their arms?

Though the Darkness Closes in

Lately, I have found myself in a very low place. I have felt burdened and found no rest from the aching that is in my heart. For a while, it felt hopeless. However, recently I have found hope for a better time. I have begun reading through the Psalms again, and it is amazing how many speak to my soul and where it is right now. So many of the Psalms began with the writer crying out in desperation to the Lord, but they end with the steadfast faith that the Lord is there, hearing his cries, and will deliver him and give him peace. And that is where I am now....still crying out in desperation, but standing firm in the truth and promises that Lord will see me through. Yesterday, after reading several Psalms I began making a playlist of songs that bring me hope, there are so many, but here are lines from a few that are speaking to me right now:

Blesssed be your name,
on the road marked with suffering,
when there is pain in the offering,
Blessed be your name

My Savior loves, My Savior lives, My Savior's always there for me

Have you been giving in to all these masquerades?
It will be gone, forever gone.It will be gone, it will be gone
Let this old life crumble, let it fade.
Let this new life offered be your saving grace.
Let this old life crumble, let it fade, let it fade.

Our hope is drenched in You
Our faith has been renewed
We trust in Your every word
Nothing else can even measure up to You.

Psalm 77

Psalm 77

1 I cried out to God for help;

I cried out to God to hear me.
2 When I was in distress, I sought the Lord;

at night I stretched out untiring hands

and my soul refused to be comforted.

3 I remembered you, O God, and I groaned;

I mused, and my spirit grew faint.
4 You kept my eyes from closing;

I was too troubled to speak.
5 I thought about the former days,

the years of long ago;
6 I remembered my songs in the night.

My heart mused and my spirit inquired:

7 "Will the Lord reject forever?

Will he never show his favor again?
8 Has his unfailing love vanished forever?

Has his promise failed for all time?
9 Has God forgotten to be merciful?

Has he in anger withheld his compassion?"

10 Then I thought, "To this I will appeal:

the years of the right hand of the Most High."
11 I will remember the deeds of the LORD;

yes, I will remember your miracles of long ago.
12 I will meditate on all your works

and consider all your mighty deeds.

13 Your ways, O God, are holy.

What god is so great as our God?
14 You are the God who performs miracles;

you display your power among the peoples.
15 With your mighty arm you redeemed your people,

the descendants of Jacob and Joseph.
16 The waters saw you, O God,

the waters saw you and writhed;

the very depths were convulsed.
17 The clouds poured down water,

the skies resounded with thunder;

your arrows flashed back and forth.
18 Your thunder was heard in the whirlwind,

your lightning lit up the world;

the earth trembled and quaked.
19 Your path led through the sea,

your way through the mighty waters,

though your footprints were not seen.

20 You led your people like a flock

by the hand of Moses and Aaron.

(emphasis added)

The Lord is My Friend

So yesterday, I read an amazing blog by a dear friend in which she posted that she had been challenged by a sermon to take the 23rd psalm and rewrite it from the point of view of her occupation. It was quite powerful. I couldn't stop thinking about it and decided that it was an excercise that fit perfcetly with what my second graders were learning about poetry so I thought I would give it a try in second grade. Since their occupation is student and the Lord is not really our student, I decided to make it the Lord is My Friend...since that is another important role of a 7 year old. Some of you might be skeptical...second graders rewriting psalms?! But just wait....it turned into one of my best bible lessons ever. Here are a few I found especially powerful. I wish I could post them all, but I am prehaps the only one who wants to read 16 of these :)

The Lord is my friend,
I shall not want,
He makes me cry of happiness
He leads me to heaven
He loves me
He is the truth
Even though I have sinned,
I will not sin more because I love him.

The Lord is my friend,
I shall not want
He makes me smile
He leads me to Jesus
He helps me when I'm hurt
He never leaves me alone
Even though sometimes I am bad
I will not leave God because he won't let me.

The Lord is my friend
I shall not want
He makes me joyful
He leads me to heaven
He tells me what to do
He never lies
Even though I am scared
I will not cry because he is with me.

Now my one child who has suffered brain tumors since 3 months of age did not quite get the rewriting part of the activity. But the poem he came up with is still powerful when you remember this child has had brain surgery multiple times, most recently 2 months ago and he struggles with basic academic material:

He help me-
when I am sad he help me be happy-
he loves us-
he is powerful-
when I die I will go to the sky-
he help me-
he loves us-
we love to him-
he gave us life
he gave us food
he gave us clothes.

Kids are amazing. Now I am not saying all my kids got all parts of the activity perfectly. I had one child write that the Lord led him to a beautiful shoe store. But every child had at least a part of their poem that showed a true understanding of at least part of who the Lord is. It's days like this that I am extra thankful for my school and my kids.

We Are Ourselves

We are ourselves,
Who think,
Who travel,
Who explore,
Who tell jokes,
Who teach,
Who speak,
and who
follow in
God's name.
We're ourselves,
not others.
-Cristian (2nd Grade)

I am right in the middle of my poetry unit with my second graders and every year it becomes my favorite unit to teach. My children fall in love with poetry as we learn how to read and interpret published poems and to write our own. The poems these English Language Learners write never cease to amaze me. I found the above gem while snooping through their poetry folders this morning.