let the little children come

so life has been crazy and has not left a lot of time for reflection lately. some things are good, some things are hard. but through it all i am constantly reminded of god's goodness and grace. and nothing reminds me more than the faces of the many children i spend my days with:

faux fall days

living in the southern hemisphere, we are heading into spring. however, fall is my absolute favorite season, and yet this will be my fourth year without a fall. in order to enjoy what i think is the most beautiful time of year, my roommates and i find little ways to bring fall into our bolivian apartment.

homemade rolls
homemade applesauce
fall flowers of deep red, orange, and yellow
laminated fall leaves
beef stew
small packets of apple cider drink mix
anything pumpkin (using the precious few cans we can fit into our already overstuffed suitcases)

apple pie

lots of cinnamon

faith

i found this song today in my itunes library and i have pretty much been listening to it on repeat ever since. i had completely forgotten i had downloaded it a few months ago. it's one of those songs that when i listen i wonder how the writer knew me so well. it's pretty much the story of my life right now.



(ignore all the cheesy pictures...the words are so powerful!)

answered prayer

today was a day of tiny miracles and answered prayers. when things are hard, it's funny how God shows up in the smallest places. i came back to la paz this year with a strong burden for the children at the river, convicted i wasn't doing enough and there was more to be done. last week while at church i was struck with the thought of how amazing it would be for those kids to get outside of their little community and experience the body of Christ. so we invited a couple of the older girls to come to church with us. they seemed hesitant and we knew it would take God working in their hearts for them to come. so we began to pray furtively every day for God to work and we recruited others to pray as well. i was fully prepared to have to persistantly go every week for the next month or two, before any of them would come.

this morning we drove up the lane, not sure what to expect. a couple of the other kids were standing outside so we told them why we were there. they seemed hesitant but also interested so one of the girls, Wara, went off to ask permission. we waited for some time, and then the one girl we had invited last week, who seemed so hesitant, came out and said she couldn't go this week. however, we held out, waiting for Wara to return. twenty minutes later she returned, saying that she and her sister could go, but only if they brought their younger siblings as well. we agreed and they ran off to wash up and change clothes. as they went, they told a couple other families and fifteen minutes later 13 kids, ranging from 18 months to 16 years, piled into the beast, a 1978 land cruise owned by my roommate. we were in awe.

on the way to church we had to drive past a police checkpoint, and for the first time we were stopped. at first, the policeman seemed to have a problem with my roommates licsense and asked her to pull over to the side. she showed her international liscense and he said everything was fine, but then he looked in the car...piled with 16 people, and said that we had too many people (doh!) we just smiled and said yes, but what could we do and by the grace of God, he smiled and said, "esta bien" and waved us on. honestly, a miracle.

what a sight we had to be coming into church. three gringas and 13 ragged bolivian kids. however, our church family was very welcoming, and while i think we might have added a little stress to the sunday school teachers' lives, everything went smoothly. there was a lunch afterwards, and as there was some concern about having enough food, we planned on leaving before it started. however, we ended up working it out to buy 5 lunches to share among all the kids, which was plenty, and then the food multiplied and there were so many leftovers, they were able to give all the kids seconds, which meant they had enough to take home to their families. another miracle.

today was exhausting, yet perhaps one of my favorites since being back. just driving the kids to church was completely worth it, watching them get so excited as we drove past parks, hearing them shout, "mira! mira! (look! look!)" they were so well behaved at church, joining right into the songs. hearing little 8 year old jonanthan singing at the top of his lungs, completely off-key but from his heart, was perhaps the most beautiful sound i have ever heard. we were amazed at how God answered our prayers and in bigger ways than we could have imagined....from not being sure if even one would come to having 13 come, from not having enough food to having excess. our God is truly good. and if he takes care of little things like having children come to church, why is it so hard to trust him with everything in my life?

live a life worthy of him

the battlefield is empty and bare
and we are all alone
it gives me time to think and fear
where have the soldiers gone?
should we stand and fight for him?
or should we just go?
should we stand up again?
or should we all go home?

then he cried out
then he said to me
you will rise up
for your destiny
cuz you were created
you were created
for such a time as this

and you were made for now
and you were made to fight
and you were made to stand and open up their eyes
and you were made for love
and you were made for me
you were made to be my hands and be my feet
and you were made to live
and you were made to fly
and you were made for more than you've allowed in your life

raise the standard high again
and history we'll make
and calm the longing deep within
when we take our rightful place
rally the troops again
and come to stand with me
cuz in the end this war we'll win
if we follow him who leads

then he cried out
then he said to me
you will rise up
for your destiny
cuz you were created
you were created
for such a time as this

and you were made for now
and you were made to fight
and you were made to stand and open up their eyes
and you were made for love
and you were made for me
you were made to be my hands and be my feet
and you were made to live
and you were made to fly
and you were made for more than you've allowed in your life

you were made for today
so live your lives like you were made
you were made for today
so live your lives like you were made


"And we pray this in order that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and may please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience, and joyfully giving thanks to the Father who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of the saints in the kingdom of light." ~Colossians 1:10-12

"I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love." ~Ephesians 4:1-2

growing smaller and smaller...

...until we take over the world. ~Shane Claiborne

"The Jesus movement is a revolution that dances" ~Shane Claiborne

I finally got around to reading Irresistible Revolution by Shane Claiborne. Over the last few years, I have had friend after friend reccommend this book to me. However, not usually willing to pay full price for a book, I waited until I finally found it at Half-Price Books and then I snatched it up this summer. I had been warned though. This guy is completely radical, but he has some good ideas. I was expecting to find some good nuggets of wisdom, but also to disagree with a lot of what he said. Or even if I didn't completely disagree, at least just pass it off as the ramblings of a radical, and as not actually practical ways of living for everyone. However, I was wrong. I think I agreed with almost everything he said. And it is hard. Maybe the reason some people would like to pass him off as a radical is that what he says is hard. But as I read, I couldn't help but think, This sounds right. This sounds like Jesus. Jesus was not an easy person to follow in his time, why should he be an easy person to follow now?

I know I am not ready to completely give up everything in the way Shane has, however, I also know that is because of my own selfishness, not because I don't think it is necessary. But I want to start taking small steps in giving up my rights and my life, and allowing Jesus to really work through me. I pray for open eyes to see the opportunities to show love and the courage to take them.

And maybe a small part of me just loved this book because every chapter talked about a revolution that dances. And how beautiful is that?

we've moved out of jesus' neighborhood

it's been a strange transition back to bolivia. i am home, yet homesick for the "old" bolivia with all my dear friends who have left. it's been hard. however, God is good and today was full of those precious moments that remind me of my love for this place. being back in my bolivian church, singing the familiar spanish worship songs, just felt right, i was at peace.

i came back to bolivia this year refreshed and with a renewed fire to invest in the lives of those living in poverty with whom i often come in contact. and after spending a beautiful two hours at the river with some of the most amazing kids i know, my heart is so full, and yet so broken. i spent most of my time, laughing and talking with the 15-16 year old girls whom i have spent the last 3 years falling more in love with every week. they have always been obsessed with my hair, lovingly brushing it and stroking it, asking me why i am not a model (i usually just say, "because i am a teacher":) ), but today they kept asking me what shampoo i use and how much it cost, because they wanted to make their hair smooth like mine. and i couldn't respond. how could i tell them i spend more on a bottle of shampoo than their family probably does on a whole day's worth of food? instead, i just promised to bring each of them a bottle...because what 15 year old girl doesn't deserve to pamper herself a little?

however, the whole time i was laughing with these girls, inside i was breaking and the tears were threatening. because one of these beautiful girls, 16 year old Erika, had been mysteriously absent the whole last semester, and today had shown up with a new little baby boy on her back. her son. i don't know what happened, and she seemed embarassed, so i didn't ask, but my mind just ran through all the scenarios, wondering if she had been "married" off by her family, or if she had fallen for some boy somewhere, or if this baby was the result of some awful abuse. all i knew was this lovely girl should not have been a mother yet. i held the tiny baby for a while so she could do the sunday school activity with everyone else, and she and some of the other girls joked about him being my baby. and with all my heart i wished i could have taken him from her and given her the chance at a least a semi-normal childhood, without the burden of motherhood. but alas, that is not my place. so instead, i will love this girl and her little boy with all my heart and do anything i can to make her life easier. i don't know yet what this will be, but i am praying for God to open my eyes to opportunities to show His love to her and to give me the courage to follow through. because how many times do we feel that nudge, but let the doubts and worries of what others will think or how much it will cost keep us from acting on it? i know for me it happens all too often that i ignore that quiet whisper. and therefore my prayer this year is that i will act whenever or wherever the opportunity arises.

"we can do no great things, only small things with great love." ~mother theresa