looking for the kingdom coming down

"When it's dark enough, you can see the stars." ~Persian Proverb

"God is within her, she will not fall. God will help her at break of day." Psalm 46:5

"Are we able and willing to unhook ourselves from the restraining emotional bonds that prevent us from following our deepest vocation?" ~Henri Nouwen

"We proclaim him, admonishing and teaching everyone with all wisdom, so that we may present everyone perfect in Christ. To this end I labor, struggling with all his energy, which so powerfully works in me." Colossians 1:28-29

***
I'm back in Bolivia after rather strange summer vacation. In many ways it's wonderful to be back. I'm excited for a new year of teaching. Setting up and decorating my classroom and planning lessons has reminded me how much I love my job. It is also encouraging to be surrounded by people who have stepped out on faith to follow the command to go and make disciples in every nation. To begin staff meetings every morning with a time of devotion and to be encouraged daily by the Word is refreshing.

However, being here without my dear friend who has been such an integral part of my life the last two years is a million times harder and lonelier than I ever imagined.

But God does work in mysterious ways. Yesterday I received an encouraging message on facebook. It was from a girl I went to high school with but was never very close to. I hadn't talked to anyone from high school in 6 years (since graduation). Yet for some reason, yesterday she decided to send me a message to tell me she was praying for me. I think we both kind of knew in high school that the other was a Christian, but those were lonely years and neither of us made a big deal about our faith. She explained in her message the loneliness of high school and the change she experienced in college, once again growing strong in her faith. It was like looking in a mirror, to speak metaphorically. I think we both regret having let those years slip by. However, God used this message from someone I barely know to encourage me in a time of deep loneliness and to remind me that we should never just let the days slip by, but claim each day for Him.

i guess i better do this :)

so i've been meme'd twice now, by brian and the lovely laura and since i couldn't sleep i figured i might as well do this :)

Here are the rules:
1. Link to your tagger and post these rules on your blog.
2. Share 7 facts about yourself on your blog, some random, some weird.
3. Tag 7 people at the end of your post by leaving their names as well as links to their blogs.
4. Let them know they are tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.

***

1. There is still a tiny part of me that dreams of being a ballerina.
2. I absolutely love my job and don't really feel as if I go to work or am an adult.
3. I apparently have weird tastebuds....I hate all cheese, all coffee, and all alcohol (well, all that I have tried, anyway) and certain fruits make my tongue burn.
4. I love cheesy movies, but cheesiness in real life kind of makes me want to throw up. (and there is defintely a difference between cheesy and romantic!)
5. I absolutely detest all packing and unpacking, even though I love traveling.
6. Somewhere up in the sky there is a star that is named after me.
7. I used to think that when you could see the sun's rays streaming in through the clouds that if you could get right under those spots you could look up and see heaven....and was devastated to learn that that effect is caused by smog.

Now, unfortunatey, everyone I know with a blog has already done this, so I have no one to tag. oops!

see my big girl shoes

Overboard
I could write my name by the age of three
and I don't need anyone to cut my meat for me.
I'm a big girl now, see my big girl shoes.
It'll take more than just a breeze to make me

Fall over, fall over, fall overboard, overboard.
Fall overboard just so you can catch me.

But as strong as I seem to think I am my distressing damsel,
She comes out at night when the moon's filled up and your eyes are
bright, then I think I simply aught to

Fall over, fall over, fall overboard, overboard.
Fall overboard just so you can catch me.
You can catch me.

I watch the ships go sailing by
I play the girl will you play the guy.
And I never thought I'd be the type
to fall, to fall, to fall, to fall to fall.

To fall over, fall over, fall overboard, overboard.
Fall overboard just so you can catch me.
You can catch me, you can catch me, you can catch-

I watch the ships go sailing by I be your girl will you be my guy.
And I never thought I'd be the type to fall, to fall.

To fall, to fall, to fall...

To fall over, fall over, fall overboard, overboard.
Fall overboard just so you can catch me.
You can catch me, you can catch me.



*i'm not sure why, probably because the first verse really speaks to where i am, but this has become my song of the moment.*

so little time

As I sat down to write this post a thousand cliches about time came to mind, such as "Time flies when you are having fun" and "There is never enough time in a day". I know cliches are overused and so I will refrain from continuing the cheesiness. But they become overused for a reason, they are absolutely true. I have now been home two and half weeks with 4 weeks to go and time is just flying.

I just spent an amazing week in Philly with my best friends from college. We filled our time with the beach (or "the shore" as they say in Jersey), lots of eating out, shopping, birthday dinners, a trip to Naked Chocolate (an amazing chocolate cafe and one of my favorite places in the world...don't get me started on how much i love chocolate!), and of course, the reason we were all there, lots and lots of stuff for Sarah's wedding. We went out for her bachelorette party, cruising in style in a Cadillac Escalade Limo, rehearsed the wedding and enjoyed getting to know her other friends at the rehearsal dinner, and then enjoyed the big day with lots tears, laughter, and dancing! I was complimented many times on my reading of Psalm 100, to which I wanted to reply, "Thank you, I've been reading since Kindgergarten." But instead I just smiled and said thank you. Jackie and I even got to catch up with an "old friend" from college...actually he had never talked to us in college and we aren't sure he even knew our names, but he pretty much spent the entire reception talking to us, much to our amusement. It really was an amazing time. And the result was our little Sarah is all grown up and married...so weird! But my favorite times of the week were the times we sat around Jackie's apartment in pajamas, drinking smoothies or eating ice cream and just talking about life. A lot has happened to all of us over the past year since we had seen each other last and there was so much to catch up on. We never went to bed before 2am and one morning at 5:30 the sun was starting to peek through the blinds as we decided to get a few hours of sleep before a day full of rehearsing. Sleeping was such a waste of time, there was too much to talk about! It was a little strange however, because in talking to these people who know me better than anyone, my eyes were opened to how much I have changed over the last year. My friend was going through something really hard and I was able to help her through it because I had gone through almost the exact same thing 6 months before, and had really grown through that situation. Looking back over that time, it was almost worth all the pain then to be able to grow and help someone else because of it. Even though I had changed in many ways, as had the other girls, it didn't matter. We are the kind of friends you pray to find and once you do you never let go. We are growing and changing in different ways because all of our lives are very different, but we are friends where it matters, way down deep in the core of who we are. And that will never change.

That week flew by though, and saying goodbye is always so hard, especially when it will be at least another year before we see each other again. And now I am afraid of the remaining time here flying by as well. There are so many people I want to see, and not just see, but spend quality time with before I go back to Bolivia. I am not sure I am going to be ready to leave once July 30 rolls around, it just seems too close. And this time I am leaving for 10 months. Part of me thinks I might be just a little crazy. I am slightly dreading going back, knowing I that when I do my closest friend will no longer be there and she is how I survived this past year. I start to wonder why I decided to go back in the first place. And then I see the face of my kids and i remember the feeling I get in when I am teaching in my classroom. And I know it's where I am supposed to be. So right now, I will enjoy the next four weeks. I will enjoy the people here and just live life, making the most of every moment. Letting life happen.

My Prayer

"Holy fire, burn away my desire for anything
That is not of you and is of me
I want more of you and less of me

Empty me, Empty me
Fill, won't you fill me with you, with you."

que sera, sera

Once again, so many thoughts. Where to begin? Machu Picchu was probably one of the most incredible things I have ever seen, right up there with the Salt Flats last year. While wondering around the ancient Incan ruins, watching the sun rise above the blueish-green mountains, Kristen and I came to a funny realization. This was part of our summer vacation. We hadn't really been thinking about our vacation starting until we got back to the states, Machu Picchu was just part of life in South America. We are often traveling to amazing locations and it's just life. We realized we had pretty amazing lives to not have considered Machu Picchu a vacation! Pictures can't really do it justice, you really just have to experience it in person!

Tomorrow I am traveling back to the States. I really should be packing now, but that is on my top ten list of things I absolutely hate so I am procrastinating as long as possible. I wish I had a pair of ruby red slippers, and could click my heels and say, "There's no place like home." And be magically transported to my house in Cincinnati. That way I could skip the long, expensive, lonely taxi ride to the airport where I spend the entire time praying to God that this driver is trustworthy because once he gets to El Alto I no longer have any idea where I am and he could take me anywhere. I could skip the long flight to Miami, the 5 hours sitting in the worst airport in the world (perhaps having a horribly awkward conversation with someone I am incredibly angry with), and the 2 1/2 hour flight to Cincinnati that seems twice as long as the previous flight because I am so close to being home, yet not quite. Ahh, the joys of a life overseas. But honestly I love my life and wouldn't trade it for anything. And I am excited to be home. There are things I need to get away from here and people I can't wait to see there! In a little over a week I will be curled up with my best friend, eating chocolate and ice cream, with a box of tissues in the middle, catching up on life and all the heartaches and joys that have come over the last year. And that picture is enough to get me through the long, wretched day tomorrow.

machu picchu...the pictures say it all...

more to come as soon as facebook cooperates!