Has anyone else seen that infomercial for a Christian compilation CD with Twila Paris singing the song, "God is in Control"? That is all of the song I know because that is all that is on the commercial, but since I have heard that phrase a lot in the past week, that one line is always running through my head. Last night, a friend directed me to a youtube video of that song and it was quite.....entertaining. Gotta love cheesy 80's videos. However I still think the overall sentiment expressed by the song is true and something I need to remember. Especially now.
I am at a point where I have no choice but to believe that He is in control and trust Him. There is nothing like the country you live in being on the brink of civil war to make you trust God more than you ever have before. While some might panic and become full of fear at the chaos that has become Bolivia, I have approached it more with the attitude that this will all blow over soon and nothing will ever happen. Based on past experiences this very likely the case. However, at the same time, this time everything seems more real, and I have been fighting little bits of fear here and there. It really has been a very weird time. Everything is very surreal. I spend my days teaching my second graders, going to the grocery store, doing work around my apartment, and all kinds of normal, daily tasks. Yet I also check the news every 20 minutes to see if anything has changed, who has said what, where does Bolivia stand? I feel safe, yet I also am more aware of my blonde hair that immediately identifies me as a gringita.
I have become very impatient with all the uncertainity. Are things going to get better? Are these peace talks going to fix everything? or Are things going to get worse? Will I need to leave Bolivia? I don't want to leave (well, the vacation might be nice, but not under the circumstances that would have to happen to make leaving a reality), but I just want to know! And it's when I get that petulant child's attitude of I JUST WANT TO KNOW that God quietly whispers in my ear: But that is not your place to know, that is my place. Your place is live your life everyday, seeking me, and when the time is right, you will know. And I can only respond by humbly bowing my head and living.
Even in the midst of all the uncertainity, God has been faithful to reveal himself and his joy. One such revelation occured Sunday night, at perhaps the height of the fear. We were on our way to an emergency staff meeting to discuss the political situation, and my roommates and I had arrived at our destination almost 20 minutes early. While we knew we would be welcomed by the family hosting the meeting, we decided to take advantage of the time to sit in the plaza outside their house. The moon was full and HUGE. Being at 12,000 feet really changes how you see the moon and the stars, and the moon that night was incredible. We sat, basking in the moonlight, taking joy in God's awesome creation, and read passages from the Bible. We needed that time to calm ourselves before the Lord, to recognize his power over the whole situation and to remind ourselves of his faithfulness. It was a time of beauty in the midst of fear. For those of you at home reading this, please do not worry about me. God is in control. Things really are seeming to get better here, and my life is still very much normal, with just perhaps a heightened awareness of what is going on around me. Just keep praying for peace.
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