that they may see

tonight was our final community group of the year. i was not expecting it to be nearly as emotional as it turned out to be. but as i sat in the room surrounded by friends who all serve in la paz in many different capacities, i suddenly was forced to deal with the fact that change happens and many of these friends are leaving after this school year. actually, friends just doesn't seem a strong enough word to describe these people, some of whom have i have done life with for 3 years. we started our journey in memphis, tennessee at our pre-field orientation, and then began the adventure that is bolivia together. and it kills me to know that this chapter of the adventure is coming to a close. bolivia will not be the same without the big brothers who come to the rescue when the showerhead explodes or when the washing machine needs to be connected, without the sisters with whom you can cry with and laugh with and just talk with for hours. these people have been my support, my family and the many memories we have created together will last forever. yet they are being called elsewhere. and i am called to stay. i don't pretend to understand the will of God, and so i don't understand how we can be allowed such a short time with people who are such kindred spirits. yet, i trust and i know there is a plan for good in all of this. who knows what next year will bring? that is something i am still working on giving up to the Lord. but in the meantime, i will savor these last few sweet moments with dear friends.

tonight one of the friends that is leaving shared a song he wrote for those of us who are staying. it's beautiful and so special:

You are a city on a hill
Not to be hid
But to shine through the night

You are the light of all the world
Don't let it fade
But blaze bright

That they may see your good works
And praise your Father up in heaven

So let the little children come
Let them come
Do not hinder

Lay My Word before their path
To be a Lamp
To light the way

That they may see your good works
And praise your Father up in heaven

it was after this song that the tears began and they didn't stop until the night was over. thankfully we had so you think you can dance to lighten the mood afterwards :)

here or there...more random thoughts

i am failing miserably at my goal to not count down until i go home. i am less than three weeks away from getting on a plane and stepping foot in the states for the first time in over 10 months. and i cannot wait! but i think as i continued to reflect this week on what it means to live in the moment, i realized that it's okay to be excited for what is to come, as long as you don't let that excitement take priority over what is happening today. so i will admit, i am very excited about my upcoming break and the time i am going to get to spend with friends and family that i have not seen in a long time. however, i can be excited for that future but still be here. i am not going to let that desire to go home keep me sitting at home at night wishing for what is to come. and when i am hanging out with my friends here over the next three weeks, i am really going to be present with them, soaking up those friendships and not just wasting time until i get to go home. it's a hard place to be, wanting to be in two places at the same time, but i am learning that it's just part of living overseas. and i have to keep working to find a balance.

for a dreamer, night's the only time of day

your sunny someday will come one day...

may. the month i have looking forward to all year. may meant accreditation would be done. may meant i could just teach my kids without worrying about all the extra work. may meant i was one month closer to going home for a much needed break after this incredibly tough year. of course now may is here and i am realizing may also means preparing for end of the year elementary awards, going to a million families' houses for end of the year almuerzos and cenas, making sure my growing second graders are really ready for third grade, saying goodbye to some of my best friends here in bolivia, and finally, this may has also brought a sprained ankle, making just the act of getting out of bed in the morning a laborious chore. but i am realizing that always looking ahead for sunny somedays only causes you to miss out on the silver linings of the rain clouds of the present. when the bible says not to worry about tomorrow, it is not saying don't just worry about the bad things that might happen tomorrow, but don't even look forward to the good that may come....just don't worry about it at all. we can't live our lives looking ahead. if we do, we will miss so much. so rather than looking ahead to june, when i will be back with friends and family in the states, i want to spend may living each day, looking for joy each day, and recognizing my many blessings, for they are numerous.

and to begin this new challenge of being present every day and not looking ahead, i want to take a minute to write a list of things that have brought me joy the past few days:

* cold wintery mornings....i might complain about the cold, but really there is nothing like bundling up in winter sweaters, scarves, hats, and gloves, and feeling the icy wind on your cheeks. there is something just so cozy and comfy about winter...even when it comes in may!
*my amazing roommates of past and present...god has been amazing and it seems i am always able to find kindred spirits in the girls i live with. from college to now, i couldn't ask for better roommates, who become more than just friends, but family as well.
*the funny things my kids say and do....from asking if they should "multiplicate" to breakdancing to bringing their knitting to recess, my kids are a constant source of joy.
*being able to follow and participate in spanish conversations
*the amazing mountains that surround me and the beautiful sunrises and sunsets...yes i see both almost every day!
*emails and im conversations with friends back home
*chicken korma from my favorite british-indian curry restaurant
*watching friends and gilmore girls....and having a roommate who is sweet enough to always let us use her computer now that mine is broken
*gianduia ice cream from the gelaterria down the street


and the list goes on and on......how blessed i am!

almost there

we are in the final days of accreditation preparations. the team arrives sunday that will decide whether or not our school becomes accredited. it is a stressful time for most. but as i sit here, a little over a week away from having all the work pay off (hopefully!), i can't help but reflect on what a process this has been. it all began two years ago, second semester of my first year here. at that time, while still daunting, the majority of the work seemed so far removed, that i was only excited about it. i was naive. we began by completing a quick self-reflection to see what standards we were meeting and which ones we needed to work on. we also began curriculum guides. until then, the school had been using an awful christian home-schooling curriculum and so we had to rewrite the curriculum from scratch. we created our schoolwide expected student learning results, had our team leader visit to get us started, and that was pretty much it. last year consisted mostly of writing philosophies for every subject and continuing to work on curriculum guides. at the very end of last year we received what would become our all-consuming work for this year: the dreaded self-study document.


basically the self-study breaks the school into 10 different parts, such as instructional program, library and media resources, school personnel, school facilities, etc. there are several standards our school must meet in every area, as well as a series of questions that we must answer about our school. in order to answer these questions we must take a close look at our school and identify and evaluate our current practices in each area. after working on committees to research and answer the questions, the steering committee (of which i was a part) had to read and revise the entire document. this took place in 4 meetings over 4 school days, totaling about 24 hours in all. the document then went to the rest of the staff, to parents, and to the director's advisory council for approval. final changes were made and it was sent off to the team to read before their visit. the total number of pages of our document was well over 300, including data.


we then began to collect all the data that must supplied to the team while they are here. for me, this meant collecting samples of student work for every subject and at every grade level and setting up displays in the room where the team will be meeting. i also had to put together all the library data, which meant creating most of it, since our library is relatively new and we did not have most of what is required. for the past two weeks, i have stayed at school until 6:00 or 6:30 almost every day, working on putting all this data together. that might not seem like too late, but when you get to school at 7:00 in the morning and teach all day, and are technically allowed to leave at 3:45...staying almost 3 hours later is a big deal. not to mention that during this entire process we have all also been teaching full time and having to prepare for lessons. most nights i go home and work until 9:30 or 10:00, if not later, to make sure i am ready for those 15 little second graders that come into my class every day eager to learn.

now, i do not rattle off this list to complain or to get sympathy, but rather to bring glory to our heavenly father. looking back and seeing how far our little school has come in the three years that i have been here is a true testament to his faithfulness. not only has he doubled the size of our student population and provided the means to purchase much needed resources, materials, as well as the land the school sits on, he has proven his faithfulness to each of us on a personal level by providing the strength, energy, and determination to get all of this done. personally, i hit a wall in march. i was done. i didn't even want to get out of bed in the mornings. and i gave up. i finally told the Lord, "whatever gets done now is absolutely not from me, but from you, and you will get the credit." and it has gotten done. there are still a few loose ends to tie up, a few more posters to hang, a few more documents to type and print, a few more shelves to clean. but it's going to get done. and not because of me or anything i am doing.

not only has he given strength when it was needed, he has also given us the gift of beauty and majesty with the amazing sunsets that those of us who have being staying late have been privileged to witness. every night when i step out of my classroom or the library or the teachers' room, i am greeted with some of the most amazing sights i have ever seen. and although i know they are not just for me, i see each one a personal gift from my daddy in heaven, to encourage and inspire me to keep pushing on:



now i am not a photographer by any means, and these pictures don't even come close to capturing the magic that seems to creep up on the school each evening. however, i try my best to capture the beauty, in order to remind myself, that the God that designed this, the God that has created those mountains and that sky, is the same God who knows the number of hairs on my head, and desires nothing more than for me to crawl into his lap, call him Abba Father, and allow him to complete his work in me and through me. and that is surely a thing to rejoice in, no matter what stress and trials are in my life.

alone on my own

spring break. usually i spend spring break traveling to amazing places.....the salt flats, lima. this year i was supposed to go to sucre with the high school mission trip. i was excited to see a new place, to spend time with the high schoolers, and to spend the week in ministry. however, at the last minute the trip was cancelled. i was incredibly disappointed and didn't understand how god could allow just one more disappointment in a semester full of them. i dreaded a week in la paz, a week alone in my apartment, with everyone else going off to places i had already seen. however, his plans are higher than ours, and this week has turned into an amazing time of refreshment. i have spent time with the few friends left here, but also i have had a lot of alone time. i have always been someone who needs alone time, yet lately i think i have been dreading it because being alone forces me to confront and deal with the many issues and troubles that are in my life, rather than ignore them as i have gotten so good at doing. but really, when i stop and look at my life, yes it is hard, but it really isn't that bad. i have amazing friends, a job i love, and many adventures right outside my door. being able to just spend a week in la paz without all the stress of teaching, has helped me to see that this place is home. when i look out my window, i am not looking at some strange land...i am looking at the comforts of home.

i am lucky to have two homes and although i am eager to visit my other home in the states, i can feel at home here and don't need to wish away the next 2 months.

random side note: i have recently become obsessed with rosie thomas and this has become my favorite song of the week:

Death Came and Got Me

I can't, I can't stop crying

Everyday I’m so afraid

Afraid of dying

Death already came and got me

Cause I’m not living...

I'm not living anyway...

And who am I supposed to be?

Everybody seems to see except for me

Who cares anyway....

Cause when it's over,

It's all over, and what you gain you throw away

When will love ever find me?

All my life all I’ve craved is to be seen

Who cares anyway...

Cause when it's over,

All that matters is the love you gave away

sunday afternoon