poshlust

"Poshlust, Nabokov explains, 'is not only the obviously trashy but mainly the falsely important, the falsely beautiful, the falsely clever, the falsely attractive.'"

I am reading a fascinating book called Reading Lolita in Tehran: A Memoir in Books. It is the account of an Iranian woman and a small group of female students who gather in her small apartment to unveil themselves and dive into the world of literature. I have only read a few chapters and I am entranced by these brave women and the lessons they are learning and the trials they face. The whole first section is based around the novels of Nabokov, especially Lolita. I have never read Lolita, or any Nabakov, but I am finding his themes and characters quite intriguing. As someone who has never experienced life under a totalitarian society, these stories seem so removed, yet so real. I can see the truth in the midst of his fiction. And it applies not only to totalitarian societies, but to all.

The above quote is perhaps the one that has stood out the most to me so far. When I look at myself, and at many other Americans, I can't help but see how much of our lives we have filled with "the falsely important, the falsely beautiful, the falsely clever, the falsely attractive." And it is a reality check.

"Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For everything in the world-the cravings of sinful man, the lust of his eyes and the boasting of what he has and does-comes not from the Father but from the world. The world and its desires pass away, but the man who does the will of the God lives forever." 1 John 2:15-17

"in the end, all we own is our story...

...i'm just trying to live a good one." ~australia

as a lover of stories, i've often imagined what life would be like if i were a part of one of my favorites. an orphan alongside anne of green gables, a friend of elizabeth bennet, one of the march sisters, one of the railway children, a heroine.

however, as we get dragged down in the day to day, it is so easy to forget that we are part of a story. our own unique story. and every choice we make decides what kind of story we are living. over the last four years, i have found myself a part of many adventures that make great stories: white-water rafting through the andes mountains, a 60 hour bus ride across the hellish chaco of paraguay, sitting among the ancient ruins of machu picchu, backpacking an ancient incan trail, sailing across the lake titicaca, driving across the awe inspiring salt flats, riding a boat under the iguazu falls, watching the calving of the perrito moreno glacier, and many, many more.

even this past weekend, a simple camping trip turned into an adventure when the 1978 land cruiser we were driving in decided that it had had enough of the altitude and just stopped running. we ended up just pushing it to the side of the road and hiking down into the valley below to set up camp for the night. it wasn't how we had planned our weekend, but it still turned into a wonderful adventure. and really, in bolivia, there doesn't seem to be any lack of amazing campsites. the random valley was gorgeous and that night we sat under one of the most amazing star-studded skies i have ever seen.

an exciting story seems easy to live when you live overseas. but as i prepare to leave this life of easy adventures, i am trying to remember that i can live an exciting story anywhere. it just takes living life with open eyes and a ready spirit, the willingness to choose the harder path and the desire to make your story count. and the result will be a story that is far better than any found in literature.

the inciting incident

"'The inciting incident is how you get them [the characters] to do something,' Ben said, ' It's the doorway through which they can't return, you know. The story takes care of the rest.' "


"Robert Mckee says humans naturally seek comfort and stability. Without an inciting incident that disrupts their comfort, they won't enter into a story...The character has to jump into the story, into the discomfort and the fear, otherwise the story will never happen."

"Before I realized we were supposed to fight fear, I thought of fear as a subtle suggestion in our subconscious designed to keep us safe...And I guess it serves that purpose. But fear isn't only a guide to keep us safe; it's also a manipulative emotion that can trick us into living a boring life."

~Donald Miller, A Million Miles in a Thousand Years

My Inciting Incident of 2010: Leaving Bolivia

My Ambition: To live life embracing "whimsy"..."that nagging idea that life could be magical; it could be special if we were only willing to take a few risks."

and in his name all oppression shall cease

i remember filling shoeboxes as a child for samaritan's purse operation christmas child and knowing that these boxes would be delivered to children in need in a far away country.

today, i was able to deliver those shoeboxes to children i love in the country that has become my home.  it was an amazing experience. a bolivian youth group joined us and led the children in songs and games, performed a drama, and shared  the gospel before handing out the boxes. after handing out the boxes we sat in a circle and all the children opened them together. it was so fun to watch the little ones get so excited about the stickers, barbies, toy cars, and other fun things that filled their boxes. while helping little tatiana open and look through her box, i was just filled with thoughts of the people who filled these boxes and how lucky i was to get to see the joy on the other end. it was just a special time. joy filled the air and the magic of christmas was happening before my eyes.

then it all came crashing down. fourteen-year old wara stood crying admist the joy and happiness. my roommate was hugging her, but couldn't understand what was wrong. i went over and just held her in my arms. finally, when she calmed down, i was able to ask what was wrong. and then she told me something that broke my heart into a million little pieces. her mom has left and she isn't coming back. wara has one older sister, fifteen-year old pamela, and four younger siblings ages 1-5. pamela and wara already basically act like the mothers of the younger ones, but now they have no one to mother them. i just don't understand. these kids already have next to nothing, and now the one thing they did have, family, has been ripped apart. and what can i do? not much. i can bring them food. i can pray. but i want to do more. i want to take these kids and give them all the love and care they deserve. they are such sweet, special children who are victims of a cruel and fallen world. it seems so easy to trust god with my own life in comparison to trusting him with the lives of these kids. but that is all i can do. trust that he has them in his hands and he will guard them and protect them. and thank him that even in the midst of this pain, we can still celebrate the sending of his son that made it possible for us to someday to live in a world without tears, pain, or broken hearts.

Truly He taught us to love one another,

His law is love and His gospel is peace.

Chains he shall break, for the slave is our brother.

And in his name all oppression shall cease.

Sweet hymns of joy in grateful chorus raise we,

With all our hearts we praise His holy name.

Christ is the Lord! Then ever, ever praise we,

His power and glory ever more proclaim!

His power and glory ever more proclaim!

the harder of the two ways

"Choose the harder of the two ways. If you have eliminated all other possibilities and there still seem to be two that might please God, choose the most difficult one. 'The way is hard, that leads to life,' Jesus said, so it is likely that he is asking us to will against our will. But what if he isn't asking that? The more sincerely we seek the will of God, the more fearful we will be that we may miss it. If it made little difference to us, obviously we would not worry very much about it, so there ought to be a measure of reassurance for us in the very face of our fear...'And your ears shall hear a word behind you, saying, 'This is the way, walk in it,' when you turn to the right or when you turn to the left.' "
~Elisabeth Ellliot
God's Guidance

finally...peace

it's interesting how difficult decisions can seem, then you make them and those people who made it seem so easy were right. it wasn't that hard. you knew what God was calling you to do, it just took courage to make that decision. i can now see how i have spent the last 4 months arguing with God, knowing what he wanted, but still wanting my own way. thankfully, he also puts many people in our lives who speak truth and at some point you have to listen to that truth and it all comes together.

so i have made my decision for next year. it's still new and still hard to say. however i have peace. i will be leaving bolivia in june. i will miss it terribly and the thought of leaving the many, many children and people here who have become my family over the last four years makes me want to cry. yet, i know it is time for something new. a new adventure and a new challenge.

i have no idea what the future holds. i have begun to look into different options, but at the moment i am completely open for whatever doors the Lord opens. while scary, it is also exciting to be embarking on a new chapter of my life. and i still have 6 months to enjoy the country and people i have grown to love over the last 4 years!

random musings

decisions. it is funny how easily they come for some and yet for others, facing a decision is much akin to facing some sort of medieval torture device. some can so easily say that it's all in the Lord's hands and there is no need to worry because as long as you are seeking him you can't make a wrong decision. yet they don't understand that you also believe this and that is what is so frustrating. you can believe with your whole heart that God is in control and that really what you decide doesn't matter, but yet somehow the act of making the decision is still so difficult. it's not that your faith isn't strong enough. it's not even that you think you might mess up. it's just the actual act of having to decide. it's hard.

when i face a major life decision i often begin by getting more and more confused, with only small moments of clarity passing fleetingly by.  but i am realizing more and more that that confusion is often really caused by fear. fear of the unknown. fear of failure. fear of rejection. the trick now is to identify those fears as fears and to weigh them accordingly. and it's funny how as i start to identify fears, i am also uncovering issues of pride and selfishness. and i am beginning to wonder if maybe that is why decision making is such a hard process for some. because the lord uses that process to sanctify and purify their hearts. and that is never easy.

i am also realizing that when making a decision you can't always base it on just what you want to do. i am getting closer to making my decision for next year and can honestly say the decision i will probably make is the exact opposite of the one i want to make. yet the one i want seems wrong and the one i don't want seems to be right.  but looking at the example of Abraham, i am pretty sure he didn't want to do any of the things God kept calling him to do. yet he did them and was blessed. and again, it all comes back to faith.